I knew it was coming. I fuckin’ knew it. People cease to amaze with the lengths they will go to make themselves standout. A few weeks ago the world paused in amazement (and ridicule) of Birdman’s latest piece of body art. So how do you out do the #1 Stunna? By doing exactly what this young lady did in this picture. I don’t know who she is, so I won’t call her outside of her name, whatever it may be. But really though sweetie? What the hell are you gonna do when you’re 35? While most women refer to themselves as “grown ass women” or “independent women”, you’re going to be the only one in your camp still referring to herself after a song that many likely won’t remember 10 years from now. “5 Star Chick” was a hit record and most certainly a club anthem, but ink worthy it is NOT. Hell, even the slogan’s originator, Yo Gotti, was surprised.
But what may be one person’s mistake is the lighting of another’s creative lightbulb. Other suggestions for completely pointless, yet highly entertaining tattoos? Here goes nothing.
1. Tim Tebow’s tears – As a Florida State fan, I’ll be the first to admit I enjoyed watching Tebow play the game of football. At the very least, I knew his heart was in every play. However, the fans/supporters of the University of Florida truly believe this man is the second coming of the Messiah and whenever Tim Tebow hurt, they languished. He could do no wrong. He brought multiple national titles, a Heisman Trophy and arguably the greatest collegiate resume’ of all time along with him. So, in the grand scheme of things, you can’t blame ‘em. But he’s gone now, so there’s only one logical way to pay tribute to the man, by tatting his tears on your face. That’s how.
2. Your own personal Cannabis ID Card – This really only applies to residents of California. People like to smoke weed, that’s no secret. It’s also known that gaining access to Cali’s cannabis clinics are more exclusive than Lakers courtside seats. If you’re lucky enough to gain entry, the last thing you want to do is lose your ID. To alleviate this concern, tat that sucker (with all pertinent info) on you to make sure you’re good regardless. I’m pretty sure someone has thought of this already though.
3. “The Kanye Shrug” – Whenever someone asks you a question you don’t have an answer to, show ‘em this tat and keep on moving about your day. They’ll get the picture. If you’re feeling risky, add a bottle of Henny as well.
For as outrageous as these ideas may sound, previous experiences has proven not to put anything past people. If someone can imagine it, a lot times it will become a reality, for better or worse. Regardless, if nothing else, one lesson continues to remain true. Before making a decision that will certainly follow you for the rest of your life, please, as the title says, “think before you ink.”
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