Before we begin, let’s praise and honor sweet baby Jesus for not letting the lockout leak into the actual season. As soon as news broke that a season was about to start, we came together as a crew and started making predictions. At the beginning of the season, we came up with 10 predictions that we felt were either surefire or risky. As football seasons often do, this year has thrown a few curveballs. Read the rest of this entry »
Holding out has just proven to have been the best bet for star running back Chris Johnson’s bank account. The Tennessee Titans played fair after the three-time Pro Bowler refused to report to training camp without a new deal, determined to keep him in their uniform. Read the rest of this entry »
Man, I nearly forgot to share this one. Being from Nashville and a Titans fan…well, apparently Chris Johnson is rapping during the NFL downtime because he dropped a song via Twitter yesterday. And now you ask, can he flow? Read the rest of this entry »
Yeah, Week Five saw more upsets than a March Madness Friday, but don’t look for any Cinderella stories coming out of this week’s surprises. These upsets stemmed from an epidemic of sloppy play affecting supposed contenders like San Diego, Cincinnati, Green Bay and New Orleans. Common symptoms of this disease include horrible special teams play, coaching gaffes, dumb penalties and costly turnovers. Read the rest of this entry »
Week 17 is the playoffs before the playoffs for some teams and a minor nuisance before a six month vacation for most. This latest season’s mix of mediocrity in the AFC and haves versus have-nots in the NFC led to more meaningful games than usual for the last regular season hurrah.
In the NFC, the division title was on the line as Philadelphia visited the Jerry Jones mega church in Dallas. As they’ve been prone to do the last, oh decade or so, the Eagles didn’t show up for the big game as Dallas rode Miles Austin and the suddenly staunch Cowboys defense with a 24-0 win. Dallas hosts Philly again next week, so we’ll see if Romo and the ‘Boys can return the favor. Philly’s no-show allowed Minnesota to slip into the second seed, with a little help from the Giants’ own no-show. It’ll be interesting to see if heads will roll for the Giants, specifically Tom Coughlin’s.
In the AFC, a whole bunch of teams bunched up for the last two playoffs spots looked to take care of business. Many failed, some in embarrassing fashion. Denver coach Josh McDaniels’ decision to bench troublesome receiver Brandon Marshall didn’t rally the troops as anticipated as Kansas City rolled over the rival Broncos behind Jamaal Charles’ 250 yards rushing.
The Patriots suffered through one of the worst meaningless game losses ever. Pro Bowl receiver Wes Welker busted his knee without even being hit on the first offensive drive. The Pats recovered to take a 14 point lead going into the fourth quarter, than disintegrated in all facets to allow the Texans to come back and win. Part of the problem was Bill Belichick couldn’t commit to winning the game, resting injured starters and randomly asserting backup QB Brian Hoyer into the game.
The Texans fans were so overcome with joy at their team finishing over .500 for the first time ever, that they forgot how to spell. Or people from Texas are just that dumb.
The Ravens took care of business with a ho-hum win over the Raiders. Willis McGahee led the way scoring three times as well as stealing safety Hiram Eugene’s manhood with the stiff arm/pimp slap seen in the above video. The Ravens will look to avenge an early season loss in New England next week in the playoffs.
In the large slate of meaningless games, a few interesting things did happen.
– Jay Cutler gave Chicago fans a much needed boost of fake Midwestern optimism for the 2010 season throwing 4 TDs against the Lions.
– Chris Johnson broke all-time great Marshall Faulk’s record for yards for scrimmage in a season.
– The Colts played their starters in blizzard conditions in Buffalo before pulling them to start the second quarter. Of course, none of them got hurt. The Bills feasted on the backups for a 30-7 win.
– Miami backup QB Pat White got in the game yesterday…and got his snotbox rocked by the Steelers Ike Taylor. Hopefully, he’s recuperating today but he’s got the whole offseason to recover.
Look for the playoff preview from TSS this week. I’m off to start a vigil for Wes Welker’s ligaments.
It’s that time of year again. That’s right, the fantasy football playoffs. Where hours and hours of draft research, obsessive-compulsive checking of Stat Tracker and smack talk come down to which team gets lucky enough to have Washington’s third-string running back go off for 2 touchdowns. Why do so many people, myself included, waste their lives away on this shit? I’ll leave that one to the philosophers and so will owners of Andre Johnson (11 recs for 193 yds), Brandon Marshall (21 receptions) and, yes, Quinton Ganther (scoring his first and second career rushing TDs), who are now one step closer to the glory of a fake championship. Read the rest of this entry »
Look, not every NFL week can be a winner. Luckily most of us were still comatose from a 20,000 calorie weekend, so we didn’t notice that the week 12 slate was full of dud matchups between mediocre squadrons. Still football is football and a full slate of games will produce moments.
The mediocrity started on the grand day itself, as America continued to punish themselves and Detroit’s fine citizens by putting the Lions on national TV. Plus as an added bonus this year we got the Raiders. In fact the most exciting thing to happen in the three Turkey day games was Josh McDaniels inspiring profanity, captured for millions of fans as Roger Goodell spilled his pumpkin pie. Who doesn’t love a little awkward announcing?
The Eagles and Falcons spared themselves similar profanities by barely keeping their playoff hopes alive. Against JV squads Washington and Tampa respectively, the favored fowl franchises foully fucked with their fandom before finally pulling out fourth quarter wins. Roddy White was the hero for ATL pulling down the game winning TD pass from backup QB Chris Redman with less than 30 seconds left. Read the rest of this entry »
I’d be remiss of recapping the NFL in week 10 without turning the back clock to Thursday night. Admittedly, there was a lot of pressure on Jay Cutler coming into the season. The Bears gave up quite a bit for his cannon arm, creating expectations of future Pro Bowls and Bears playoff appearances. Said high hopes ignored the fact that 1.) the Bears wideouts are crap and 2.) their D is getting by on rep and is average at best. Read the rest of this entry »
Screw you Rookwood Tap and, for that matter, screw you all Wrigleyville bars from the heart of the brojects on Clark and Addison. Screw your buffet with the cardboard eggs, death to your pouty waitresses (though I appreciate the fake boobs,) screw you for not having coffee and screw you for having a bathroom attendant at a sports bar. And a special fuck you for playing country music during the commercials. Could I at least get some Black Eyed Peas?
I don’t know if it was my hatred that rubbed off on the Bears or just their own mediocrity coming to the forefront, but the Monsters of the Midway got rolled by the visiting Cardinals. The Cards moved the ball at will against the beaten down Bears D with Larry Fitzgerald serving notice as to why he’s the best wide receiver in the game. He dominated whomever the Bears threw at him in single coverage and, if he wasn’t open, Kurt Warner was finding someone else. With a brutal schedule up ahead, the Bears look headed for under .500 and Lovie Smith looks like he’s on his way out. Read the rest of this entry »
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