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I Tried Taco Bell’s New Breakfast Menu Items This Morning And This Is What It Was Like

By AJ / 03.27.14

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Hey, guys. Guys. Taco Bell? That cornucopia of fast food innovation? THEY’RE DOING BREAKFAST, Y’ALL.

But you knew that already because we talked about it weeks ago..

And because you knew that – and because you’re probably thinking to yourself, “Taco Bell breakfast sounds good, but I wish an incredibly handsome blogger would review it for me” – you’re in luck! I threw away what remaining self-respect I had (not a lot), hit my local TB’s drive-thru and ordered the cornerstones* of the new menu.

Results range from INCREDIBLE to “ehhh.” But one thing’s for sure: I can’t travel more than a brisk jog away from a toilet for the rest of the day.

taco bell breakfast menu 2

Bacon Waffle Taco

There’s no need to beat around the bush: the Breakfast Taco’s delicious and has the potential to go down as one of “those” fast food items, on par with Wendy’s Baconator or KFC’s Double Down. It’s excess and gluttony rolled into a waffle: sprinkled with bacon bits and maple syrup.

Technically speaking, there’s a really good dichotomy here. The bacon’s savory flavor blended with the syrup well and, from a textural standpoint, there’s a nice crunch to it. Cheese and eggs complement everything well.

It sounds silly, is silly and is a lot of fun to eat. Don’t think you’re too good for a Breakfast Taco.

Reaction:

happy

taco bell breakfast menu 4

Sausage Melt

It’s Thursday, you don’t get paid until Friday and you’re trying to make do with what you have. And what you have is a single frozen sausage patty, a tortilla and some shredded cheese. You toss everything in the microwave and hope for the best.

That’s all the Sausage Melt is. A sausage patty wrapped in a tortilla and cooked with cheese. It looks like a Muppet without eyes and, in a world where much better options are available, really doesn’t deserve any sort of recommendation.

Reaction:

nasty

taco bell breakfast menu 5

Bacon AM Crunchwrap Supreme

Every bit as delicious as you might hope, the AM Crunchwrap is layers of breakfast loaded into a flat, grilled tortilla. The eggs and bacon are good, but the crunchy, savory potatoes elevate this to another level of excellence. Oh, the crunch! And the cheese! Nothing dethrones the Waffle Taco, but the Crunchwrap plays Scottie Pippen well.

Reaction:

another

Sausage AM Breakfast Taco

First of all, calling something an “AM Breakfast Taco” is redundant. There’s definitely a need to differentiate between the “AM Crunchwrap Supreme” and the regular “Crunchwrap Supreme,” but unless there’s a “PM Breakfast Taco” – I checked, there isn’t – it’s unnecessary to channel any latin abbreviation to describe what I put in my body.

Anyways! The Breakfast Taco was pretty tasty, if not simple. Only one dollar, it comprised of an egg/cheese/bacon medley sandwiched between a grilled soft taco shell. A solid role player, but it’s not going to win any championships by itself.

Reaction:

enh

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Sausage & Egg Breakfast Burrito

Here’s another scenario that lacked creativity. It was definitely scrumptious but it really doesn’t need to be written about. The same combination of eggs and sausage (NOTICING A TREND HERE?), wrapped in a burrito. Yay!

Review/Reaction:

Polite clap

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Cinnabon Delights

Mashup of the year! Simple and delicious, the Delights were too good. A donut hole-sized Cinnabon, filled with icing, served in two, five and 12-packs. I’m like 90% sure Biblical passages weren’t devoted to the Delights, and that’s a shame.

Reaction:

yass

* — The items listed have different types but I didn’t hate my body enough to order three variations of AM Crunchwrap Supremes.


TAGSBreakfastEDUTAINMENTREVIEWSTaco Bell

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