You guys, I’m all the way into my emotions today and it’s not because I’m PMS-ing.
Last night, something terrible happened. How terrible? On a scale of lightly burning toasts and 9/11, this was 9/11 with a side of Holocaust.
Sunday’s episode of Family Guy which is one of the top five greatest shows of all time in the history of the entire universe. That’s not an opinion, it’s fact, which means it’s not up for discussion, so shut the f*ck up because nobody cares about your lame ass personal top five.
Back to Family Guy, on Sunday’s episode, a main character died.
Now I knew this day was going to come. Over the summer, showrunner Steve Callaghan spilled the tea that a main character was going to be kicking the bucket this upcoming season. “One special episode we have for the fall, we’re going to kill off a member of the Griffin family and replace them with a different character,” he revealed at Comic-Con.
At the time I thought, “Oh, it’s probably Meg,” since Mila Kunis, who voices the character, was enjoying big screen success. Then I thought, “Oh, it’s probably Chris,” since Seth Green, who voices “Chris,” would be getting his own show. But not once did I think it could be… Brian “B-ri” “B-roni” Griffin.
That’s right, guys. Seth MacFarlane and his team of asshats killed off Brian. They ran him the f*ck over and killed him! The one scene where they decide to be “realistic” and they choose to have the family dog ran over by a car. AND IT WAS A HIT AND RUN! They didn’t even… sigh. #justiceforBrian
Feelings. Emotions. Can’t deal.
And dammit I’m not going to! I’m barely over Paddy Taninger’s death and that was seven seasons ago. But I will not let go of Brian. No way! I will not stand for this sort of f*ckery.
So, I’m going to pretend like yesterday’s show was all just a dream. Sort of like when Stewie finally “killed” Lois. Yeah, that’s what this is. In another episode, Patrick Duffy will wake up and we’ll all have our Brian back. Or maybe I’ll pretend that this is a little story arc before Stewie finds him that titanium capacitor, rebuilds his time machine and saves Brian. Because I’ll tell you what, I’m in no way here for Stewie x Vinny adventures.