Netflix is gloriously racist and it’s one of the best things to ever happen to me. You know how when you watch a streaming movie they always show recommendations based on the movie you just watched – “80s Action movies,” “movies with a strong female lead,” “classic horror movies,” etc. Well when you watch a movie with Black people in it they recommend a buffet of flicks based on Black. Like, it’ll pop up on my screen something like Because You Watched Hotel Rwanda Netflix Recommends Katt Williams It’s Pimpin’ Pimpin’.
So last night after watching a pretty decent indie romance flick with my wife called Medicine For Melancholy with my wife Netflix suggest that I watch Black Angels that had this summary:
After running a child support clinic by day, four women spend their evenings running down deadbeat parents to make them pay up. No method is beneath these vigilantes, including violence and seduction.
When we read that we suspected we’d see B-movie legend, but we weren’t sure until we saw that Reagan Gomez of “that movie with Terrell Owens and Stacey Dash,” The Parent’ Hood and a King Magazine spread would be in the flick. She’s like the Silver Surfer of Netflix movies. When she shows up you know destruction and chaos will follow. I think it was Mark Twain that said it best: not every sh*tty movie on Netflix stars Reagan Gomez, but every Reagan Gomez movie on Netflix is quite sh*tty.” If she would stop finding acting gigs on Craigslist her life would be straight.
Basically the movie is an attempt to provide information about child support litigation while having bad actresses in lingerie put guns to guys’ heads. You’ll watch for the promise of T&A but you’ll stay to see the main seductress lose her absolute sh*t when she jacks a guy for his child support checks. Basically, she poses as a lady of the night, gets the guy to order her then jacks him for backed child support. These scenes are inspirational in their epicness. The woman is all “you want my panties? Bite them off. You like my panties? WELL WHY DON’T YOU LIKE CHILD SUPPORT MOTHER F*CKER?!?!?!? *pistol whip*”
I totally appreciate what Black Angels tried to accomplish: they wanted to make an appealing movie that educated people on child support issues. What happened was a hilarious flick that’s part trashy faux-prostitue eye candy and another part educational infomercial. Just take the scene with Z-Ro (yes, him) for instance (lines summarized):
*Woman starts to give Z a blow jibber. Then she pulls out a gun. Z-Ro also pulls out a gun*
Z-Ro: What’s going on?!
Smoking Hot Child Support Check Avenger: You don’t pay child support!
Z-Ro: Well, that’s not my baby. Just check the DNA test conveniently sitting on my dining room table.
*woman checks paper*
SHCSCA: I see…but this doesn’t meet the statute of limitations. See Texas law states that if you don’t prove paternity within four years you still have to pay child support…brotha!
Z-Ro: I did not know that. So, we good?
SHCSCA: Yeah, We good. *backs away slowly* *gun still drawn*
And knowing is half the battle. Of course you want to see the trailer. So here goes.