Occasionally, when I’m pretending to be smarter than everyone else, I listen to NPR. Recently, I stumbled upon a story about Russia’s problem with alcoholism. Apparently, the country’s population is expected to decrease by 20 percent thank to the alcoholism there. But some doctors there, have invented a “cure” to alcoholism. And it’s all a scam.

The cure is simple: let these doctors insert a torpedo in your a$$ and it allegedly releases a deadly toxin into your bloodstream that kills you upon first contact with alcohol. Yes, a butt torpedo that kills you if you come in contact with any alcoholic beverage.

In reality, the asstorpedo just releases chemicals in your body that causes “accelerated heart rate, shortness of breath, nausea, vomiting, throbbing headache, visual disturbance, mental confusion, and circulatory collapse.” It can last anywhere from a short time to three years, scaring an alcoholic onto the wagon.

But here’s where the scam comes in. After somebody takes the butt missile – which costs 5,000 rubles or $170  - they rush back to the doctor, scared that they are going to die soon. The doctor explains that death is imminent and the chemical is floating through their bloodstream. And the only cure is an “antidote” for $300 or 8,000 rubles. Brilliant!

So what exactly is in the butt pill?

So, it turns out, that inside that little pill is a very real drug, it’s called disulfuram.

EUGENE RAIKHEL: It was actually a substance that was used in the rubber industry.

Eugene Raikhel is an assistant professor at the University of Chicago.

RAIKHEL: And they found that the workers in the rubber industry were unable to tolerate alcohol.

Disulferam blocks a certain enzyme from being absorbed by the liver, so when you drink it causes all these very real symptoms. But it’s only in Russia that they sell these very long-acting capsules.

RAIKHEL: Basically they tell you that they are injecting a long-acting form of disulfuram, which is not something that exists.

It does not last three years. In fact, it barely lasts a week

Isn’t this the craziest sh*t you’ve ever heard? They’re wild in Russia.

Check the full insane story here.