I’ve never watched Mad Men because I’m, y’know, Black. So my love affair with Alison Brie started when I began watching my new favorite show, Community. She plays the wholesome and corruptible Annie Edison. A scene from that show also created the greatest Gif in the history of the Internets.

Don’t worry. I’ll wait.

Then she- oh, still want me to wait? Ok.

*Taps feet*

Look, I’m going to continue without you, kitten-slaughterer.

Then I saw this photo shoot in Complex that turned my crush into a full-on infatuation. Now, she’s written an account of some of her sexual escapades at Hippie University. The story revolves around her attempt to get a gay friend of hers to discover if he was truly gay by smoking weed with him, giving him a blowjangle and having sex with him. Though the story was pretty entertaining, the background details of Brie’s college life:

Exploring my newfound sexuality, there was, of course, the girl-on-girl action, the crazy threesome with the afros and whips, and the surreal ‘shrooms experience where I thought the tree was fondling me but it turned out to be my creepy male roommate with calluses on his hands… gross. You get the picture. I developed this (possibly misplaced) sexual pride, based solely on the quantity of penetrations of my vagina… and not necessarily the quality of the acts therein

Sold!

Alison may be out of my league, but I’m off to one of those Hippie schools like Barefoot University or Yoga College and find a shroom-chewing, threesome-loving mega-freak to read Jack Kerouac and have nasty mind sex with me while Requiem For A Dream plays in the background.

The story is an excerpt from a new book called Best Laid Plans which is a collection of sex stories from actors and comedian. I’m on my way to my local bookstore to read Alison’s story again. I may make animal noises.

Via Nerve