Gottsdale has passed the buck given me the opportunity to take his place as honorary fight translator. Let’s skip formalities and get to what you came to see.

0:00- 0:10 – We can see a miscommunication forming as the grizzled salt and pepper-haired Caucasian fellow and Coolio are not on the same page. Old Man Grizzly has offered for Coolio to spit-shine his Stacy Adams. Conversations like this haven’t ended well since the 70′s.

0:11-0:15 – They both take off their shades. Coolio takes his off in the “I’m about to whoop your ass” way and Grizzly takes his off in the “I don’t get the issue, by looking into his eyes, we can communicate better” sort of way. Methinks Grizzly is mistaken.

Sidebar – Young lady next to Coolio, your American Apparel outfit disturbs me. I hope you have no friends.

0:16-0:30 – *Raises fist* Coolio is taking all of Black America’s problems into his own hands. Way to stand up for us all. I’m against interracial shoe shines too.

0:30-0:33 – “It can be a Chinaman! It don’t matter!”- Grizzly. This is where Coolio should start worrying. People that use words like “Chinamen” probably use words like “Viet Cong” and “Japs” and they probably use them in the context of “I killed 43 Viet Congs with a toothpick during the battle of Dienbienphu.”

Also, look closely at Grizzly’s right forearm. See that tat? I can’t make it out, but he probably carved it himself when he was a POW.

0:40-0:48 – As Grizzly stands up, take a gander at American Apparel girl give him the once over. “Holy shit,” she thinks. “We’re wearing the same outfit. No wonder I’m so lonely.”

0:48-0:56 – Grizzly doesn’t seem to understand that “I’ll put my foot up yo’ ass” is a figure of speech as he seems to genuinely be outraged that Coolio would suggest something so physically impossible.

1:33 – “I see tough guys like you and I slap the shit out of’em” – Grizzly. Sounds like a line from a Steven Segal movie. Wait…is that you, Steve?

1:38-1:41 – Coolio goes with a soft body blow. Grizzly hops up with the speed of a coked up cheetah. Pretty sure Grizzly blacked out and had a war flashback. It’s all red from here on out.

1:41-1:50 – Play. Rewind. Play. Rewind. Play.

1:50-2:00 – “I TOLD YOU NOT TO FUCK WITH ME!” See, Grizzly gave up his violent ways and swore to never throw a punch again after a mission went awry and he lost his right-hand man. He hasn’t fought in 40 years, but Coolio pushed him over the edge.

One day, a young lad looking to avenge his parents’ deaths will take up crime fighting. His first attempt will fail, forcing him to flee for safety from two armed thugs. He will stumble into a back alley and bump into Grizzly, who will ward off the thugs with his bare hands. The boy will implore Grizzly to “teach me your ways.” After relenting for months, Grizzly takes the boy under his wing, saving the child’s life while breaking through his own rocky exterior and mysterious past, warming his golden heart in a quest for redemption.

2:01 – Does his shirt say “I am a Motherfucker?”

2:16 – “I’m a fuck you up” – Coolio. You sure will buddy. Next time.

2:50-3:00 – It sinks in. “That motherfucker hit me.” Yes, multiple times. Don’t worry, someone is about to call the abbalance.

The lesson learned here is that Oakland does not play, especially not its bus riders.