Allen Iverson Issues Retirement Statement
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“You Know You Can’t Hold Me Forever…”

By LC Weber / 11.26.09

Let us join hands around the Thanksgiving table and bow our heads for a few words. Shall we?

Lord,

So far as I see it, there are two options. Either Mike Ilitch decides his Little Caesar’s pizza franchise has room enough to house the Lions along with the Tigers and Red Wings, or Bill Ford Sr. gives the team a long, Fredo kiss-of-death “goodbye” and let’s them move onto greener, more winning pastures in another city.

We — the we that continue watching Lions games every Thanksgiving in the hopes that a retro Honolulu Blue jersey will garner a holiday bowl “W” — have been the unwitting Dorothys to these cowardly Lions for far too long. We’ve skipped gheyly down the path, awaiting the wise words of the man behind the NFL curtain, preparing for an eventual victory we always believed was within us. But now I see this just isn’t so.

So thank you, Lord, for this food and all the Blessings you’ve bestowed upon me and the we that is us. I am and we are truly, truly thankful. And I would like to give back — I give back my local yokel NFL team. May they win a Super Bowl ring as the Los Angeles Lions.

Amen.

P.S. I’d like to redact all of the above iffen Barry Sanders makes dreams come true and returns in any capacity to the Detroit Lions at the tender age of 41. AND/OR the Fords sell the team to someone else in Detroit who actually likes winning enough to properly handle the team.

P.P.S. With my Wizard Of Oz fantasies wiped away, I dedicate this to my cowardly Lions.

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Download — Elton John – “Goodbye Yellow Brick Road”


TAGSBill Ford Sr.Detroit LionsElton JohnMike IlitchMP3sMUSICSPORTS

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