slow-cow

No need to fear corporations spiking your drinking water in hopes for you to buy their product. They’ve cut out the middle man ideology and are bringing the foolishness straight to consumers. If you thought the Tru-Blood plasma drink was ridiculous enough, get a load of these bright ideas.

Ever wish you could guzzle a Red Bull® and get the opposite effects? Of course you haven’t, but Canadian company Slow Cow Drink Inc. felt that us Yankee hyperbots have been deprived of an “anti-energy” drink for far too long. With active ingredients like L-Theanine, Hops and Sodium, Slow Cow® looks to “produces a feeling of relaxation and creates a feeling of well-being” without inducing drowsiness. In a nutshell it’s like drinking a blunt without getting the munchies. No word yet on the addictiveness.

Speaking of bullshit, no amount of pauses will spare those sipping from a can of Gay Up®.

joselito-ortega
As if the cape needed any more additions…

The Colombian drink which is made from strawberries, is geared towards homosexual men as it supposedly gives their hormones a supercharge. Spanish matador Joselito Ortega recently caught flack for signing with the company in a deal that will “gay up” his cape in exchange for marketing dollars.

The real question remains: when the hell did beer go out of style?

Slow Cow, An Acupuncture Session… [Slow Cow]

Matador’s ‘Gay Up’ Deal Bucks Macho Tradition [MSNBC]