9 Rappers Desperately In Need Of A Name Change…
Everything Else By Beware on September 18, 2009 at 5:21 pm
When it comes to an aspiring MC’s career, a solid rap name is just important their actual talent. Coming up with that proper moniker, however, isn’t always so easy. In a world were reinforcement rules, the descriptive variability can be taken so many ways. Dumbed down or desperately deep. Dickies or leotard Levis. Big or Lil.’ Kid or Man. Hot or cold. Government or given. There are so many choices, but technically, it doesn’t really even matter. It’s not about what it says or means, as much it’s about how well it can be pushed to the people. See: Mike Jones.
That said, there are still a few stymied artists lingering out there whose name will hold them back forever. No matter what. Backing some tobacco-wrapped logic, these oblivious artists decided one day way back when to Hussain Bolt with the first AKA that came to their head. And now, even with a heroin hook lacing a beat that sounds like hundred dollar bills, not even Jimmy Iovine himself could sell their respective acts.
Below are nine unmarketable wordsmiths who - for one reason, not another - are badly in need of a name change.
9) AraB
Considering I’ve never once heard music from this Soulja Boy offspring, or his name pronounced aloud, I can’t necessarily say it’s offending as it reads. That said, to push music your title needs to come across well in reviews, which is definitely not the case for this blatantly African-American brother’s said title. You think a rapper named Jew would fly? Not in this industry.
Better Choice — Lack-E
8) Jon Geezy
Now I don’t know if Decautur, GA native Jon Geezy is aware of the enormous powder-white elephant in the room neighborhood, but I’m going to have to call a spade a spade here. Geezy? Really? Unless you can get your ticket below 17.5, you’re going to have to flip that name ASAP, dog. All that money and no sense. Sheesh.
Better Choice — Prada Man
7) Swag
At this point, with the word swag played out times a hundred thousand trillion, this Paper Route Records rookie would’ve had more luck calling himself “The.” Imagine Swag has a hit song (farfetched, I know) and some kid Google’s ‘Swag.’ Two hours later, not only has he still not found the song, but he’ll be donating his jacket to some kid in Mumbai. Fail.
Better Choice — Snag
6) CurT@!n$
I hate to see ol’ boy on here, but in my opinion, CurT@!n$ is the rapper on this list with the most potential…to give you carpal tunnel syndrome. Please, kid, we enjoy your new single, “Mode” and know you’re creative, but can you please cut us some slack on the symbols!? If you want to us write you up every time you cut a track, save us some time and drop the fancy-pants name. Bloggers, unite.
Better Choice — Curtains (Duh.)
5) Shakur
With such beautiful ASSets, it’s hard to say anything is wrong XXL’s August Eye Candy, Shakur. Except for her name. For the same reason Jon Geezy’s ignorant ass will never reach the second rung of the music industry ladder, Shakur probably should’ve looked somewhere else besides the Pac poster on her wall when the modeling agency asked for her nickname. Also, aside from being ogled at throughout Drake’s “Best I Ever Had” video flesh-fest, she’s currently got a Will.i.am-assisted-single that no one has ever heard. Wonder why?
Better Choice — Giza
4) Ball Greezy
Having already had to Show & Prove in XXL, this 305 rhyme-spitter’s name seems like it should be fine, right? Yeah, until he hits radio. Then you’ve got DJ’s basically saying they’ve got stank dick every time they spin homeboy’s record. Can you imagine DJ Khaled yelling, ‘Here’s Ball Greezy with “Cheese!”‘ To quote my favorite old school Discovery Zone commercial…I don’t think so.
Better Choice — Greezy
3) Al Pac
A former Wavy Crocket affiliate, Harlem-rapper Al Pac seems like he was trying to be clever by shortening up an obvious jack move from an actor who only played gangsters in movies. What ended up happening instead, is that - just like the bootiful Miss Shakur - he’ll never sell shit. The same thing happened to Mopreme Shakur, and that was Pac’s blood. Double fail.
Better Choice — Da’ Niro
2) Uncle Murda Uncle M
Yeah, I know…I’m late. But, we all know that ever since Jigga brought this lyrical lunatic on the scene a few years back with an audacious name like Uncle Murda, a name change was inevitable. Especially after openly bragging about shooting cops over FM airwaves. Long time coming I guess.
Better Choice — (Anything but…) Uncle M
And now, for the most unmarketable rap name of all-time. Drumroll please…
To round out our list of lamebrained rap names, we have an artist who may or may not be a myth. After seeing his name appear alongside Ne-Yo and Akon respectively almost a year ago, I was awe-inspired to write up a post solely to note his nonsensical namesake. Gone In 60 Seconds sounds about right, because this guy has became a world-wide-web laughing stock ever since. Since no picture or solo tracks seem to exist, we’ll assume he either changed his name or was sued. I’m hoping for both.
Better Choice — George Coony (I apologize in advance…)
Posted in Everything Else, GENERAL, LOOSIES, MUSIC, SMOKE BREAK, VIDEO, Videos — Tags: Akon, Al Pac, Arab, Curt@!n$, Eye Candy, Jay-z, Jon Geezy, Max B., name change, Ne-Yo, Niggalas Cage, Paper Route Records, Shakur, Soulja Boy, swag, Uncle M, Uncle Murda, XXL
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64 Comments
this is the shit. good post B.
I was thinking the other day about if I had a rap name… what would it be.
Something to strike controversy and stand out.
Then it came to me…
Burt Brobain!
No?
Burt Blowbrain (II)?
No?
Ah forget it!
(BTW - Huge Kurt Cobain fan. Knew his family - whom I knew for years before they actually ever got around to telling me. Was odd indeed. No one would believe the family that kid came from.)
Sphinx Miyagi
And AraB is pronounced the offensive way.
@ RA….
You blow my mind sometimes homie.
No pun intended. lol
Real Name, No Gimmicks.
If I wasn’t, then why would I say I am.
Your style is generic, mines authentic made.
Eh? How is AraB pronounced the offensive way?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=53Nn4XoIOls&feature=player_embedded
is it different from this cat?
Whenever we finally meet in-person I owe you a drink, Beware. That’s standard practice when my online folk literally make me laugh-out-fuckin-loud. Not “LOL.” This piece is a brilliant nugget of comedy gold.
I thought the same thing when I 1st saw Ball Greezy. Like who the hell would name themself that? I never heard of Niggalas Cage ’til now but that’s a riot.
The reggaeton dude who calls himself Rakim ought to forced to change his shit too. He must have no sense of history. The rapper from Florida named Big Koon already changed his name to Certified, which is a lil’ better.
I give this post 5 cigs.
@ KStrick…
“The reggaeton dude who calls himself Rakim ought to forced to change his shit too. He must have no sense of history. The rapper from Florida named Big Koon already changed his name to Certified, which is a lil’ better.”
After that jaw-dropper, call the drink situation even homie.
WOW. just wow.
LMAO, classic post, Beware.
Hands down the worst name on that list is Ball Greezy. I shudder just thinking about saying that name.
that reggaeton cat used to go by RKM..some one told him to switch it…now thats a double fail.
there’s a rapper out here going by “Famous”….he was(or is not sure) to Chamilitary. He’s relatively unknown….
then there’s yung Ro who goes by Ro also…Z-Ro just so happens to go by Ro too….
The offensive way is Aye-rab. Just like my dad says geeee-hovas witnesses lol.
parody names only work in porn lol
LOL Gotty
I think I might have ONE here in Toronto … Oh boy !!
Jay Dealah
OH BOY!!!
lmao
Yeah this is quality. I wanted to blog about this at one point… how many mafioso/corny 80s sub referencing rappers must we endure?
Schwayze… are they still around? Do i wanna hear Cool Kids when they’re 35? How long before Kid Cudi’s has to be OldMan Cudi?
Can a 45 year old man still call himself Peddee Crack with a straightface?
As for the reggaeton guy, rhe Rakim guy was part of a duo named “Rakim y Ken-y”
Kia Shine didn’t make the list?
Ball Greezy might be a tie with Niggalas Cage in my book. I think I need to *pause* just for typing his name. My dad would kill me if I had such a bitch-made stage name.
Waka Flock Flame was robbed!
surprised jackie chain didnt make the list
Blackroc
http://vimeo.com/6591029
a-rab pronounces it aye-rab, but his full name is part-time arab, b/c he’s half black half arab.
how this list doesn’t have tity boi on it is beyond me, though
These are some of the most unfortunate and ignorant names in the business, but I won’t even lie: Niggalas Cage made me laugh out loud.
if only oj da juiceman or jew man, blinky blink, freekey zeekey, bang em smurf, kia shine and slaughterhouse were on this list.
now before i catch a lot of shit, you have to admit that there has to be a more intimidating, better suited group name than slaughterhouse. slaughterhouse makes me think of pig factories or a early 1990’s sega genesis game.
big koon
big country king of DTP
i still can’t get over some one calling themselves young jeezy
NIGGALAS CAGE.
I can’t…
Yea “Uncle M” is NOT it!
Niggalas. F**king DEAD!
And I miss Uncle Murda. Bring back Murda!
Kia Shine’s name isn’t on the list cuz he really wrote this blog
couldnt agree more..lol
Ball Greazy!
wacka flocka flame…….. nuff said
Jay Dealah? Ha ha ha!
There’s also a rapper from Miami called Peedo.
Tis not cool to have a stage name that means child molestor!
I always thought Keith Murray needed a rename… I figured he was following in EPMD’s footsteps with not getting a “rapname”… But Erick Sermon and Parrish Smith are cool names… And Redman came out as Redman not Reggie Noble which was a cool name anyway… Maybe things woulda been different for him if he came up with a nickname. I realize this is 16 years after the fact, but he was the first name that came to mind when I saw this post.
My rap name is Dandy Longlegs, aka the balcony rap-ist
Niggalas Cage? I mean really? I can’t believe Akon would do a song with a rapper with that name. Come up with something a little more cleaver. Beware you come up with the best shit. Love readin the posts.
Niggalas Cage sounds like a empty negro trap from the slave era.
sad sad world.
Well Mercedes-Benz should’ve destroyed Benzino’s wack ass for desecrating that sacred brand…
And Mercedes-Benz should’ve served Benzino’s wack ass a ‘cease and desist’ order for desecrating that name a long time ago…
“Niggalas Cage sounds like a empty negro trap from the slave era.”
i admit, i laughed out loud on this
“Niggalas Cage sounds like a empty negro trap from the slave era.”
LMAO with tears in my eyes
“Niggalas Cage sounds like a empty negro trap from the slave era.”
AS long as I’ve been up on this site, I haven’t felt compelled to comment until I read this. Comment of the year nominee, nice write-up all-around.
Great post, but I can’t say Nicholas Gage now without feeling a little guilty…
But really, isn’t it also a matter of “getting used’ to a name?
I mean, a name like Sheek Louch or Hell Rell sounds terrible the first time. But after a while one sorta gets ud=sed to hearing it. Anyway, these names sound bad any way you flip it:
Lil Wyte
Titti Boi
Snipe Lyfe
Al Kapone
Crunchy Black
The Bum Keef G
Holidae
Ceven
And how can one forget the classic SHORTY SHIT STAIN
(ODB’s rappin’ brother)
…and the list goes on and on…
Edgar Allan Floe is one of the weirder ones for sure. I was doing ome amwerican lit homework when this guy came up on shuffle on the ipod. Out of all the people in the world why would you choose an author that, although respected, is not important to rap at all and who you have no relation to?…
Better Choice- W.E.B. Da Boi
Floe vs. Poe: http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_0DwAprDsc7k/SlSyvy6Zc0I/AAAAAAAAIW0/FJtAvEShrlA/s400/edgar-allan-poe-1max.jpg
The sad thing about Niggalis Cage is he’s been around for at least 10 years. He went by Bad Seed…had some dope joints with Nottz…”Uhnhh”, “For the Kids”….etc. Why did he change now??? And to that?
wacka flocka flame nuff said
haha George Coony.
I always thought Lloyd Banks was a ridiculous name. An emcee called Lloyd, really?
The infamous “Shorty Shit Stain” from the ODB posse cut from his solo album 36 Chambers: Da Dirty Version is a personal highlight too.
Jackie Chain Shoud Be On This List!
I get emails from a rapper named Jew Dew.
a few more for this list…
1. mr. hit dat hoe
2. mac mustard
3. Shitake Monkey
4. Poke Chop
5. THE METERMAIDS
6. short bus alumni
7. Clete Nigga
8. LOOSE GORILLA
Actually, Arab isn’t that bad considering he’s half Palestinian. No, real shit. Was on the Juan Epstein podcast with Soulja Boy
Yo you missed my man, Jackie Chain lol
If Swag wasn’t bad enough, another Paper Route guy is named Gunt. Look THAT up on UrbanDictionary.
YO YO THANKS 4 DA PRESS BITCHES.. NEW MIXTAPE ON DA WAY FEAT. A BUNCH O NIGGAZ.. EAT YO WORDZ..
NIGGALAS
Swag’s name is short for the word “swagger” which means a to have a boastful and conceited deameanor (as he exhibits). The word swagger has first recorded in Shakespeare’s “Midsummer Nights Dream”… IN 1590!!! So how can a word that’s been around for over 400 years die, especially if it’s used in a very fitting way like he used as his stage name? Expand your vocabulary and know the facts before you speak people!!!!
Thanks for the free press for my client, Swag. His mixtape “The Corner” coming soon!!!
I’m not sure if it’s the same artist but I know The Bad Seed has called himself Niggalas Cage before in a couple songs.
you forgot wakka flokka flames! And Al Pac is short for al pachino.