We should’ve posted this video a few weeks ago, better late than never right?

I went golfing yesterday for the first time in about two years.  It was only 9 holes, but all things considered things went pretty well.  The ball went straight more often than not and I only lost one ball.  And if I had played 18 holes and by the grace of God managed to shoot a zero, I would’ve finished the day 2-under.  So in light of recent comments regarding TWTW , here’s my attempt to shake things up a bit.

First Hole/Sunday (Par 4):
We pulled out the 3 wood and knocked it straight down the fairway with footage of Kanye’s Fuse Concert.  While waiting for eskay to find his ball in the rough, we were able to brush up on our essential phrases in 36 languages to improve our chances of scoring with a muy bueno cooler chick.  With the help of our fairway wood we quickly added three more strokes (pause)in the form of DJ Steph Floss, Bilal and Alchemist settling on the green, 15 yards from the pin.  While haggling over the Lox’s pecking order, we two putted and headed off to the second hole.

Score: Double Bogey.

Second Hole/Monday (Par 4): Riding high on the good news regarding Ma Dukes, our tee shot landed in the light rough causing us to bring out the 5 iron.  Before our next shot, we took a moment of silence for Veron Forrest.  Badly shanking the next shot we ran into both  Jay Electronica & Dookie while looking for our ball in the deep rough.  It took so long we let a group of “Pretty Girls” play through, before hitting the ball into the sand trap on the right side of the green.  The internet gods must have been smiling because we holed out from the trap.  We’re back in the game… just like Mike Vick.  Crooked I’s tattoo artist offered to give us TS tats, but we respectfully declined and moved on the next hole.

Score: Par.

Third Hole/Tuesday (Par 3):  Tossing a few grass clipping’s in the air to check the wind, we pulled out the 7 iron, closed our eyes  and hit a hole-in-one… just like Fabolous.  That would’ve been nice, but while waiting on the pretty girls to finish up, we shot the breeze with The Kid Daytona and signed Beware’s petition.  Topping the ball off the tee, we were lucky the ball even went 100 yards.  Luckily, it was a par 3 and we weren’t in too bad of a position.  Shoot, we could’ve landed in Auto-Tune hell.  So we cranked up the Old Folk Music, regrouped and saved par.  Perfect time for a smoke break.

Score: Par.

Fourth Hole/Wednesday (Par 5): Walking up to the tee feeling confident, we began on which would happen first: pigs flying or uncompromising pictures of Beyoncé surfacing.  The pigs lost.  Gotty’s™ nephew even did a celebratory jig.  I’m not gonna lie, after seeing the pics we didn’t have a pipe dream nor a promise of doing well on this hole.  Kinda like Apple making people buy full albums.  We turned up “Critically Acclaimed,” “Beautiful Decay,” “Closer,” “Top Rank,” “Bulldog BMX,” & “Just Like A Baby” as we proceeded to the next hole.

Score: Ehhh… six songs, six shots.  Bogey.

Fifth Hole/Thursday (Par 5): Insprired by100 Bay Area Slang Terms in Under 3 Minutes,we decided to try our hand at speed golf.  Hitting solely with the 9 iron after the opening drive.  It wasn’t pretty, but here’s a recap of the strokes: Snake Eyes, David Dallas, Queen Assist King, Black Milk, Killer Mike, Rik Cordero & Mayer Hawthorne.

Score: Triple Bogey.  Not Pretty, but better than Alfamega’s showing.

Sixth Hole/Friday (Par 4): Looking down at our feet, we realized AM1′s & Air Jesus’ aren’t the best golf footwear.  We took the L in that category for sure.  What didn’t take an L, was Contra ™ and his commercials.  But we can’t stop on account of our shoes… we come from the house of flying daggers.  So after a bit of luck, we watched our perfect drive take flight and land 75 yard from the pin.  Using extreme concentration from our powerful mind’s we laid up 2 yards from the pin on our approach.  Tap in for birdie.

Score: Birdie.  That hole was a good hole.

Seventh Hole/Saturday (Par 3): After word of Drake’s fall things briefly took a somber turn… until Wayne waited all of five seconds to crack a joke. Between that and the wedding dancers, how’s anyone supposed to golf?   We’re bloggers, not golfers.  So we didn’t, we threw on a pair of Taz’s Cazals, packed up our Jansports & high-tailed it to the eight hole.  Truck North was waiting for us and we sat down for a Corona and a good 15 minutes to gather our thoughts on how to start the next week out.

Score: Bogey… for those that care.

Final Score: TSS is major… or +6.

R.I.P Baatin