jay-zWords by Jesse H.

Ladies, gentlemen of the TSS faithful. I come before you today with some awful, haunting news.

I know we were all comforted by brother Carter’s repeated affirmations that Auto-Tune was dead. We watched tensely as it flirted with a comeback on its deathbed, seeing it gasp a few last robotic breaths, before finally passing to a much-deserved afterlife in the inner circles of pop music Hades.

Well, as I’m sure you can all guess by the somber tone of this post- I have evidence that Auto-Tune is indeed alive and well, hiding and rehabilitating itself, waiting for Hip-Hop trends to again dumb themselves down to levels where the pitch-perfecting software seems repeatedly like a good idea.

Now, to keep a low profile and yet maintain its horrific basic nature, Auto-Tune would have to latch on to something twice as desperate as your average Myspace rapper. Something that despite incredible odds (in this case a legal case involving a beaten hooker) still manages to have a spot in pop culture. That’s right, I’m talking about the Shamwow Guy’s “Slap Chop” commercial.


DJ Steve Porter Feat. Vince Offer – “Slap Chop Rap”

Oh yes, it’s been Auto-Tuned. Slightly funny as an internet video? Sure. But after viewing it on Comedy Central last night as a legitimately endorsed Slap Chop commercial, I have become inconsolable.

Good luck making it through without wincing and/or dying inside.