10mill

Here’s how I always pictured it…

We’d be getting ready to go out to dinner — maybe to visit my parents for the holiday or something — and I’d be torturing myself over which earrings/necklace/bracelet/etc. go with the outfit I’ve put together. You’d say “Baby, we’re running late” (because I run on LCT, and consider 15 minutes late to be early and half an hour late to be on time). I’d respond “I know, I know… I’m sorry, TSS. I just can’t decide which of these pieces of jewelry to wear.” And although you normally couldn’t give a shit less about my jewelry, you’d come into the room holding a little velvet box in your hand, open it and say “How about just this one.”

And there it would be.

My cushion-cut canary diamond in a white gold setting. It would be everything I ever dreamed my diamond could be.

And thereabouts was always the way I wanted my diamond…until today. Because this shit right here?!? This is so much better. You’re such a turn on, TSS, with your sexy layout, your gray shirt all rumpled on the floor and your sassy attitudes about everything from Drake to Barack to Mike. But the hottest thing about you right now is your number of visitors. Ten million served, and all thanks to you.

I don’t know if you’re asking me or I’m asking you — and quite frankly I’m not even sure what the question is — but the answer is “Yes! Yes I will!” I love you, TSS. Your Fresh has more Respect than there are facets on a DeBeers.

Truly Yours,

the future Mrs. T.S. Section

P.S. Contra™, FTW.