No relevancy; I’ve just always loved this picture.

Every job has a “storyteller,” the one person who always has some tall tale to tell for any given moment or situation. This morning while taking a smoke break (because if you’re looking for your job’s storyteller, they’re probably outside smoking & telling the best stories not meant for large groups or mixed company), I happened to ask our resident Aesop about a “girlfriend” he was “dating” around September of last year. I use quotations because girlfriend & dating should be used loosely here, as she started a three month stay in the county right as they started dating. He’s telling me some other story & keeps referring to her as “the girl I was dating last summer” and I’m getting the hint that they’re no longer dating. To spur him along from the first story into another, I ask “Hey, you cut her loose or she cut you loose?”

Now, when she was locked up, ol’sucka for love would go visit her every time he was permitted. He would always tell me that “when she gets out, I’m gonna wear that little box out.” Time invested, sure you deserve to pull a Diddy session with her & Twitter it too if you choose.

He proceeds to tell me that when she did get out, things were fine @ first. Then she started to progressively slack off a little, dwindling down to the point where she was only visiting him on payday Fridays. Yep, he was caking her a little bit, as much as a paltry salary will allow. I’m guessing he was buying her cartons of cigs, a 6 pack of Mike’s Hard Lemonades then maybe trickin’ off on a phone bill of something. It couldn’t be much because he’s perpetually broke & always bumming a cigarette, a no-no for a grown man in my book. Anyways, he started catching on & tried to break it off, around the same time that she apparently violated her probation & the cops started looking for her. The police knew they were involved & made an unannounced visit to his house one day to inquire on her whereabouts. Since they were already on the outs, he proceeds to tell them “Just come by some Friday and I betcha she’s here.”

Sure enough, one payday later, she shows up & they both notice an unmarked car go by the house.

She hides.

He calls Crimestoppers.

They pick her up.

He gets rid of the gnat chick…and pockets $200 in the process.

Ain’t that a mother?

By the way, if any of your villages are missing two idiots, I know where they are. Get @ me via email.

Loosies

Will Roush – Go For It All (Prod. by Sha Money XL)

DJ Class Feat. Kanye West – Im The Shit (Remix)

Young Buck – Media Takeout

Young Dose Feat. Rich Boy – Don Dada

Kero One – When The Sunshine Comes

U-N-I Feat. *CurT@!n$*- Vitamin B

Black Milk & Big Pooh – 2 MC (Prod. by Georgia Anne Muldrow)

Smitty Feat. J. Walt – Throw Away Cash

Busta Rhymes – Exclusive Ownership (Feat. E-40)

Loosies