I’m convinced Phonte is half-human, half buffoon-sniffing coon dog.

Somehow last night Tigallo stumbled onto this gem of ignorance from the immortal MC Hammer and decided to share it with his twitterlings.

A few observations:

1. “She be rubbing my back, while I’m on my back”- I…don’t…I mean, what? How is that anatomically possible? I’d heard rumors but I wasn’t sure- can Hammer actually levitate? Is Hammer lying on top of her…back first? I flipped through every page of my pocket-sized Kama Sutra book and didn’t see this position anywhere. Please Hammer don’t hurt’em explain.

2. The guy on the couch sounds like he’s trying to do his own organic Autotuning. Either that or he was getting sodomized as he recorded. This guy sounds like he could even be Ne-Yo’s bitch

3. Finally at the 3:40 mark, Jon B’s inbred step-cousin who opted to wear a bathrobe to the club pulls the Mr. Rogers “Oh, hi there!” to the camera and proceeds to make your ears bleed with an operatic falsetto that would make Will Ferrell proud.

And in case you were wondering, the universal sign for “I’m fly” is indeed having index and thumb firmly placed on the chest of your pleather or faux fur jacket of choice with the other fingers fully extended.

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Respect Our Fresh!