LOL @ Dave (or his writers) inserting a “pause” after the Jonas Brothers reference.

10) By thanking family and friends on air I can save money on my long distance bills

9) In the course of the evening I’m going to marry and divorce Amy Winehouse.

8) I’m nominated in the category of Lillest Wayne.

7) I get to hang out with the Jonas Brothers. Have you seen those guys? They’re adorable.

6) Watching Madonna ask for the senior citizen’s discount at the bar.

5) The U.S. Airways pilot is gonna land an airplane on the stage.

4) The green room crabcakes are in the shape of Beyonce’s booty.

3) It’ll be more exciting than my usual Sunday night of watching Desperate Housewives in my underpants.

2) In these tough time Americans appreciate the chance to watch music people kick each other’s asses.

1) Winners who talk too much get tased.