“Let me show you what you’re missing everyday.”

Male singers, like most modern musicians, have lost their way, and therefore their appeal. Like a wise lady I know pointed out, there was a time when singers would beg, in the most intimate and humble of fashions, to be given a chance to prove to the lady what he was. These days, we’ve reverted back to our caveman-esque nature of brashly beating the point across and telling the girl exactly what to do, profanity and lack of subtlety included.

I have two main criterion I use to pick which R&B tracks not listen to when trying to be romantic. The first is anything that would be classified as rape in a court of law. The second is the use of unnecessary profanity.

I’ll use Usher’s “Love in this Club” to illustrate my point. Conceptually, it’s a very forceful song. At no point does he seek consent from the girl. He straight up tells her “It’s your fault that I’m going to deflower you in public and you’re going to like it because I’ll like it, capisci?” He goes further to add Jeezy to the recipe; a man who’s idea of a love song is “Tear It Up.” The original version also required an edit because that whole “You can leave your girls with my niggas” as well as scattered non-necessities scraped the appeal off the song. Add to that, the topic at hand is being plowed publicly. My definition of profane is anything I wouldn’t want a kid singing in my backseat while I’m driving.

On the other end of the Ursh spectrum is “Bedtime” which replaces Jeezy with another ATLien, Monica. It also does not accuse the woman of baiting the man, which is a plus and actually seeks her consent, as opposed to giving her directives and imperatives. The subject matter is also dealt with delicately. Add to that, the change in tempo and the smoother lighter melody, and you have a successful “May I…” moment.

Somewhere in the middle of the range are “Nice and Slow” and “Trading Places“. The only fault with “Nice and Slow” is that it seems to be that Ursh was not yet mature enough to match the concept with the wording and the intonation. “I’m gonna put my hands in places I’ve never seen/ Girl, you know what I mean” did not need to sound that harsh.”Trading Places” passes because it almost sees like he’s offering the lady a chance to be the R&B singer for the day, so that she may understand that there was no foul in taking charge of a situation.

You don’t have to be Luther Vandross in “If Only For One Night“, but being Avant in “Making Good Love” 24/7 around the lady could prove to be less than fruitful.

Just a random thought on this Valentine’s Day.

As for the Raphael Saadiq vid, I’m keeping with the tradition of picking a song for the day. This time it’s because it illustrates how to strike a good balance, and because a certain lady I should be spending the day with, is not here.

What’s your song for the day?

Previously Posted — “Ignorance is Bliss” | “Now What You Think We Headed To The W For”