Words by Matthew Mundy

M.I.A.’s “Paper Planes” was just nominated for a Grammy, and – were there any type of justice in the world – she’ll win. Well over a year after it was released it continues to be a deliriously perfect song. Able to reconcile the irreconcilable with enviable panache – to be simultaneously harsh and heartbreaking, teeth-baring and heart on sleeve, swaggering and vulnerable. It is that most rare of songs, the intimate anthem, and the cracking of her voice when she sings “pirate skulls and boooones” and the deafening gunshots that herald the hook are like two beasts smashing into each other in paroxysms of absurd ecstasy. The song is super fucking good, basically.

Unsurprising, then, that it was adopted wholesale by Hip-Hop this year – from Kanye jacking the “No one on the corner has swagger like us” for the rapper A-list circle jerk, “Swagga Like Us,” to everyone else jumping on or remixing the song to their heart’s content.

In the interest of good journalism – and TSS is nothing if not a superlative journalistic outlet – reviewing the various iterations, mutations and ill-conceived clusterfucks “Paper Planes” spawned is a necessity. ‘Cause no one on the information superhighway has swagger like us.

Blaq Starr Remix – A heartening mixture of the original song – which, as I waxed so on-again off-again eloquently above, is flawless – and a few fire-breathing, heart-on-sleeve guest spots by Afrikan Boy and Rye-Rye. One of my favorite parts of Kala was the part where Afrikan Boy spits, ‘If you think it’s bad here – come to Africa’, and it just repeats over and over again, accumulating menace as the phrase becomes a twitching, seething monster over the electronic storm below. That line says more about globalization and inequality than a thousand pedantic, dickless anthems could ever hope to say. Anyway… kickass remix, and a worthy addition to the “Paper Planes” oeuvre.

4 Out Of 5 Gunshots

Jim Jones Remix – Oh, man. Falling in line with Jones’ mission to just tack bad guest verses on every possible popular song (hello, MGMT!) in order to ingratiate himself to a hipster audience that – ironically hee hee, ha ha – just loves Jim Jones and Dipset. Like, that whole ballin’ thing is soooo funny! Jones tackles the hipster princess and, unsurprisingly, completely misses the whole point of the song. Now I won’t vouch for the preciseness of M.I.A.’s political discourse – she seems to subscribe to the “glean the power dynamic, pick the underdog, fight the power, dismiss context and rah rah rah against the system, as ill defined as it is” school of thought (official name, by the way) – but those with only the most casual acquaintance with M.I.A. can pick up on that meme in her lyrics and music pretty quickly. Except for Jim Jones, of course. Perhaps he is too busy spreading the Dipset brand to off-Broadway plays to properly take in her message, as vague as it may be? I don’t know. In any case, it would be far more excusable if he sounded good rapping about Lamborghinis and what not, but Jones seems constitutionally incapable of locating the beat, and his charisma-bereft verses add little other than the overwhelming, burning desire to fast forward.

1 Out Of 5 Gunshots

50 Cent Remix – Sometimes I like to throw Get Rich Or Die Tryin’ on, sit back, enjoy some classic rap, and then boil over with rage as I attempt to understand how almost overnight 50 Cent forgot how to rhyme, make hooks, sound good, and string together coherent sentences. Basically, how he forgot how to do everything that was great about him in the first place (the notable exception being he is still able to Arnold press Tony Yayo and Lloyd Banks). It’s annoying, and his remix of the song only underscores that point. Sure, it’s better than most of his post-GRODT trash because it’s over a really, really great beat, but it suffers from yet another lackluster verse from the steroid-ed one. It goes without saying that this is infinitely better than the Jim Jones euthanasia-inducing remix, but he could have done so… so much more with it. And in his Power of a Dollar days, he would have. For shame.

2.5 Out Of 5 Gunshots

DFA Remix – I find this one almost impossible to review – were I to have heard it before I heard the original, I’d probably think it’s pretty good. It’s got a groovy little beat going on, a slow-burn climax, and the always pleasant Maya spitting/singing/lilting truth over its slinky goodness. Unfortunately, though, it pales in comparison to the original beat and removes the gunshots and cash registers… which is approximately the musical equivalent of making a Jordan documentary without showing any dunks. Sure, he’s still great, but excising his awe-inspiring exclamation points of godliness doesn’t do him justice. And if M.I.A.’s aforementioned imprecise political position is about anything, it’s definitely about justice, right?

3 Out Of 5 Gunshots

Remix For The Children – This one is a little easier to stomach, as even without hearing the original beat I’m pretty sure this song isn’t that great. Sure, M.I.A. still sounds great, but the dub-ish beat pointedly removes any sense of foreboding, urgency or elation from the original, all three of which comprise the Holy Trinity of emotions I get when listening to “Paper Planes.” And when compared with the original, this remix just ends up sounding limp and snoozy, void of all that made it compelling in the first place. It was an interesting concept, I suppose, but flawed in its execution. It did keep the gunshots, though, which is a plus.

2 Out Of 5 Gunshots

Scottie B Remix – Scottie B Baltimore clubs this one to death, and it’s an interesting exercise if not altogether successful. Sure, it grabs points for both turning gunshots into percussion (what up “Heat?”), for incorporating the baile-ish XR2, and for turning a slow-rumble anthem into an ADD-addled, scattershot, drool-out-ya-lips beast of a track. The problem is, though – once again – I prefer the slow-rumble anthem. Alas, maybe I just don’t think “Paper Planes” should be remixed unless you’re throwing verses on the original, and then only if you’re able to at least fucking triangulate the beat, if not actually find it (i.e. Jim Jones’ need not apply). And I’m still not quite sure of what to make of the ‘M.I.A. just want to take your money’ refrain, though it may have something to do with M.I.A.’s sometimes dilettante-ish foray into different genres (like Baltimore Club). A worthy, though not spectacular, addition.

3.5 Out Of 5 Gunshots

Diplo Remix – The Holy Grail of the “Paper Planes Remix,” and the first that I heard of the bunch. It wisely sticks with the song as is – if it’s glitteringly unbroken, don’t fix it, right? Rich Boy and Bun B tack on two fabulously on-message, unbelievably gully verses. Both verses are so good, in fact, that it’s impossible to determine which one is better as both conclude with such fantastically incendiary rhymes that it obscures the rest of the verse completely, making proper comparisons impossible. I listen to the Bun B verse, and by the time he spits, “Get your Robin Hood on, put some pressure on the man,” leading directly into the gunshot-sampling chorus, I’m whipped up into a frenzy. But then I listen to the Rich Boy verse, and by the time he spits, “Her name is Berretta and she motherfuckin’ crazy,” I’m in a similar, frothy-mouthed frenzy. All that can be done from here, I guess, is congratulate both of them, acknowledge they actually made this perfect song more perfect, and recognize that as far as the rest of the remixes go: “Yeah [they’re] shinin’ but the only thing [they] leavin’ out / [They’re] a candle in the sun – that shit don’t even out.”

5 Earth-Shaking Gunshots Out Of 5 Gunshots