2.95

While it may resemble your college GPA before you discovered the joys of shrooms, that was our Cig average from the 95 Hip-Hop albums we reviewed in 2008. In no way, shape, or form are the shining stars of the year (see Rising Down, LAX, The Death Of Adam, etc…) discredited, but for the rest of the pathetic, waste of studio time, sorry excuse for full length LPs. Their presence only created a stench that defiled record stores worldwide and probably left the odor on your clothes.

Some were well documented, some slipped through the cracks, but ’tis the season for giving and now is the time they ALL get their just due.

TC says fuck ‘em…

The Most Disappointing Hip-Hop Albums Of 2008 According To TC

“The Hollywood Hoaxes”

(Albums that sought the platinum plaques, but were basically wack.)

Kardinal Offishall – Not 4 Sale

When word got out that Kardinal Offishall signed with Akon’s Konvict Muzik imprint, fans crossed their fingers that he would get some recognition to accompany the foundation he’s paved from his years in the game. What they didn’t account for is Kardy snagging every notable R&B act to drown out his reggae-rap vibe. The-Dream, Rihanna, and T-Pain (to name a few,) all partook in Now 08: The Not 4 Sale Edition that eventually forced K.O. to become a bigger sellout than intended.

Previously Posted — “Bring The Fire Out” – Review Of Kardinal Offishall’s Not 4 Sale

Murs – Murs 4 President

Rappers riding the Obama wave was prostituted 2nd only to “A Milli” remixes, but Murs took it to a whole ‘nother level when he announced his intention to run as the new leader of the Hip-Hop generation. Problem was, his campaign was marred by an abundance of rueful love songs and snore-inducing production that ranged from the chipmunk soul of “Breakthrough” to mononotous guitar strums on “You Think Of Me.” Squandering a golden oppurtunity to get his name in the history books, smart fans cast their ballots elsewhere, because if Murs For President was the change of pace Hip-Hop heads needed, consider Murs John McCain.

David Banner – The Greatest Story Ever Told

If you were among those who just couldn’t overlook David Banner’s insistence to burn up the Billboard charts, rest assured you weren’t alone. Despite having a handful of respectable material on hand, DB let his sweet tooth get the best of him; serving up grandiose funnels of cotton candy in the Chris Browned “Get Like Me” right before sucking hard on Lil’ Wayne’s “Lollipop” for the lackluster “Shawty Say.” He even attempted to justify his bad music decisions after the bad music decision “A Girl.” Maybe it’s time for Banner to cut the commercial bit and unveil the real autobio. Although, we wouldn’t be able to see the Chevy with the butterfly doors anymore…

Previously Posted — “I Get By” – Review Of David Banner’s The Greatest Story Ever Told

Fat Joe – Elephant In The Room

Whatever the intended meaning was, the Elephant that somehow occupied the same space as Joey Crack, ultimately proved to be the monkey on his back commanding him to follow the trend of the day. Microwaved hits “I Won’t Tell” and “Ain’t Saying Nothin” (verbatim) did nathan for his career advancement. If the album would have been released mid-year, more than likely it would have been Auto-Tuned the fuck up. He even had the nerve to reunite with DJ Premier to cast a blacklight over the rest of the elephant-sized turds present.

Previously Posted — “Get It For Life” – Review Of Fat Joe’s Elephant In The Room

Three 6 Mafia – Last 2 Walk

Over two years after Juicy J and DJ Paul catapulted into the limelight with an Academy Award, the best they could offer patient fans was a five minute chant of “Weed, Blow, Pills,” collaborations with Good Charlotte, and a half-licked candy cane in “Lolli Lolli (Pop That Body).” Sporting some of the most generic beats ever heard on a Three 6 release, Last 2 Walk is living proof that Hollywood will make Twinkies out of the hardest of rappers. Because when Unk murders you on your own shit…

Previously Posted — “I’d Rather…” Review Of Three 6 Mafia’s Last 2 Walk

Plies – Definition Of Real / Da REAList

Dropping two albums in one year can be pretty effective (see DMX in 1998,) but if you’re a perverted, wastrel of a rapper with a flow that cascades like oatmeal, you might wanna take your chances and actually put in work on just one project instead of recording a shitload of songs and breaking them up on various weed plates. But don’t tell that to America’s #1 goon as his syrupy “Bust It Baby” was certified Gold to match the plaque earned from Definition Of Real. So what if “Who Hotter Than Me” sounds like a man yelling for help from the bottom of a cliff or you could interchange songs from both albums and not alter a thing? The people elected George Bush to TWO terms and they’ve elected Plies as their Mayor of Ignorance. And with his 4th album reportedly finished, they’ll continue to reap what they’ve sowed onto their eardrums.

Re-Up Gang – Clipse Presents Re-Up Gang

Recycling saves the environment, NOT Hip-Hop music. But the Clipse & Co. took the lazy way out, rehashing a tepid mixtape to craft a terrible album. The rhymes weren’t the only recipients of a makeover as “Money” cloned 50 Cent’s “I Got Money” and imitation Neptunes tracks were sprinkled along the way. The album was so bad, Sandman had to quit following its release.

Previously Posted — “Emotionless” – Review Of Clipse Presents Re-Up Gang

Foxy Brown – Brooklyn’s Don Diva

Pointing the blame elsewhere when an album flops commercially and critically is 2nd nature for an artist, but perhaps Fox Boogie had legitimate reason with Brooklyn’s Don Diva. Compiled while she was still in the clink, she was well aware that her Rasta was a little rusty when it came to “We Set The Pace” and “The Quan.” And someone on her staff is more than deserving of the ax, putting the same verse on two different songs, certifying the record as a sloppy and embarrassing effort.

Previously Posted — “The Quan” – Review Of Foxy Brown’s Brooklyn’s Don Diva

Rocko – Self-Made

For what it’s worth, Rocko can’t take the fall alone for the swaggerific failure that was Self-Made. Spamming the album full of “LISTEN TO THIS TRACK BITCH” brainless nonsense, Drumma Boy help turn a standard brick into The Great Wall of China. With simpleminded track names like “Snakes,” “Meal,” “Karma,” and “Busy,” Monica’s baby daddy’s do-it-yourself-kit was lacking all the parts necessary to jump-start a rap career.

The Knux – Remind Me In 3 Days…

It’s ironic that The Knux wanted to avoid the “hipster” tag while maintaining all the stereotypes that come with the title. It’s also ironic that the only the tight element in their act was the nuthugger Gitanos that teased the tongues of their Chuck Taylors. Remind Me In 3 Days…, the reckless barrage of Hollywood tales told from the eyes of two boyish slackers, played like a deleted episode of Entourage which was left on the cutting room floor for proper reason.

Previously Posted — “Pea Knuckle” Review Of The Knux’s Remind Me In 3 Days…

The “Real Hip-Hop” Bricks

(Extreme disappointments from some of rap’s most respected acts.)

EPMD – We Mean Business

If you have a decade to record an album, it’s damn near inexcusable to bounce back half-assed, especially if you’re a legendary Hip-Hop act with countless classic records. But don’t tell EPMD that, as they made a mediocre return to music with enough gun talk to make Mobb Deep jealous. In these times, the word business is directly associated with FORECLOSURE, so consider Erick Sermon and Parrish Smith’s seventh album a musical Chapter 11 claim.

Previously Posted — “Blow” – Review Of EPMD’S We Mean Business

AZ – Undeniable

You have to admire Anthony Cruz’s perseverance for sticking with the music when he receives the bare minimum in return. Still, a tough spirit couldn’t compensate for the forgettable recrement that made up the bulk of Undeniable. Songs like “Now I Know” and “Dead End” literally stuck to listeners ribs like chicken broth, and AZ was chasing the spotlight with a burnt out bulb by aligning himself with the likes of Ray J. for the ill-advised “Go Getta.” Incongruent rhymes-galore notwithstanding, AZ still has the same poise of that MC that chilled on “Sugar Hill” years ago. Unfortunately, poise and performance are two different things.

Previously Posted — “The Hardest” – Review Of AZ’s Undeniable

GZA – Pro Tools

The Genius had a few boneheaded preemptive strikes that had him looking like a grumpy old fisherman leading up to his sluggish sixth LP, Pro Tools. A drunken rant towards Souljah Boy and the flimsy “Paper Plate” diss aimed at 50 Cent only set the stage for a slippery fall as GZA lazily murmured his way through flatliners like “Colombian Ties” and “7 Pounds.” And that Alzheimer’s must be on the slow creep, for GZA utilized the beat from 2002′s “Stay In Line” for the first single “0% Finance.” Amateurish is more like it.

Previously Posted — “Elastic Audio” – Review Of GZA’s Pro Tools

Guilty Simpson – Ode To The Ghetto

With Orenthal finally gripping those prison bars, the name Guilty Simpson’s appeal became more prominent than ever. Sadly the jury missed out on the felony which was Ode To The Ghetto, where Guilty rapped talked simplicity on tracks like “Kill ‘Em” and “The Real Me” with the enthusiasm of Ben Stein. Albeit the real crime is the noise, producers Black Milk, Mr. Porter, and Oh No tried to pass for beats on this slouchbucket of an album.

RZA – Digi Snacks

Fresh off the heels from the mega-disappointment 8 Diagrams, The Abbott continued his reign of terror behind the boards with the malnutritioned Digi Snacks. The puzzling production of “Try Ya Yi Ya” and “Booby Trap” were only part of the problem. “Nano nano, my fammo/pop more love than Soprano/Carry ammo like Rambo/blow like Tony Montano/Timberlands with no sandals…” as blurted on “The Regrets,” officially determined Bobby Digital’s suffering the consequences from those “Blue Magic” samples while working on American Gangster.

Madlib – WLIB AM: King Of the Wigflip

It’s bad enough Madlib’s sonic creations are an acquired taste, but when he decided to take his off-kilter brand to the fictional airwaves on WLIB AM: King Of The Wigflip, the results were anything but radio friendly. From the clunky “Gamble On Your Boy” to the various outlandish commercial breaks, Madlib flirted with a FCC shutdown on a count of wackness. In the immortal words of Ice Cube: Turn off the radio!!! Turn off that bullshit!!!

Previously Posted — “All Virtue” – Review Of Madlib’s WLIB AM: King Of The Wigflip

Kool G Rap – Half A Klip

The title Half A Klip may have been an understatement for Kool G Rap’s latest EP as it turned out to be a complete waste of a perfectly good blank CD. Mundane mafioso rhymes on “Turn It Out” and “I Feel Bad For You Son” were torture in their own respects, but he definitely bit the rubber bullet when he hooked up with Primo and Haylie Duff (yes that one) for “On The Rise Again” where he threatened to make his enemies snack on pitbull genitalia.

Previously Posted — “On The Rise Again” – Review Of Kool G Rap’s Half A Klip

Craig G & Marley Marl – Operation Take Back Hip-Hop

“Yes yes y’all!” “Wave your hands in the air, and wave ‘em like just don’t care!” “When I say HIP, you say HOP…”

If you’re the type of fan that likes your Golden Age music brand spankin’ new, then Craig G and Marley Marl’s Operation Take Back Hip-Hop is just what you were craving in 2008. When Craig G raps about “puttin’ on his roller skates” to relieve the stress of the day, you’ll close your eyes and imagine that roller rink around the corner from you is still open. When Marley drops the 1,2-1,2 on “Seasons,” you’ll try your hardest to get your homies to do the Kid ‘N Play with you. And with Sadat X and KRS-One joining in on this archaic takeover, Operation… was the album from 1988 that you spent 20 years trying to forget.

Previously Posted — “Reintroduction” – Review Of Craig G & Marley Marl’s Operation Take Back Hip-Hop

“The Epic Fails”

(Albums that were Frisbees before the label even gave the green light.)

Soulja Boy Tell ‘Em – iSouljaBoyTellEm

V.I.C. – Beast

Mr. Collipark may be laughing all the way to the bank, but the rest of the world is laughing at his guinea pigs Souljah Boy and V.I.C. as they shifted all their focus to selling records and forgot you actually have to appeal to your target audience. While Souljah Boy only missed his goal of first week platinum sales by 954,453, V.I.C. insisted he was not a failure before proceeding to cry in the girl’s locker room. Both albums expectantly but tragically received 1.5 Cigs.

Previously Posted — “Turn My Swag Off” – Review Of Souljah Boy Tell ‘Em’s iSouljahboytellem | “Flawless” – Review Of V.I.C.’s Beast

Prodigy – H.N.I.C. Pt. 2

Fire Marshall P may have took an “Up North Trip” for the time being, but he ensured he left the rap world a kite in the form of H.N.I.C. Pt. 2. But the only the thing Prodigy was running — was his legacy to the ground with endless half-ass rhymes, conspiracy theories, and crazy space shit that really didn’t make any sense over gloomy production that sounded like looped up ‘boss levels’ from various video games. “But you never in this lifetime player…be the mayor of the murder murder…killer killer…bloody rap songs in the slums of the squalla…” Yep.

Previously Posted — “Dirty New Yorker” – Review Of Prodigy’s H.N.I.C. Pt. 2

Ace Hood – Gutta

DJ Khaled – We Global

While no one can argue that DJ Khaled’s stock had plummeted coming in to 2008, those years of letting him weasel through the cracks have done Hip-Hop an incredible disservice: He runs a label. After dropping his third compilation of Rick Ross, Plies, Akon and Trick Daddy rapping over The Runners’ production We Global, he debuted his protégé (…) Ace Hood’s album Gutta, which was essentially Rick Ross, Plies, Akon and Trick Daddy rapping over The Runners’ production.  If Ace Hood gets a new label, lyrical content, and artist development courses, he’ll be decent. But as for Khaled, it’s generally three strikes and you’re out. So the days of him pushing his clamorous crap to the world are definitely numbered. We The Best? Nigga please.

Previously Posted — “Cash Flow” – Review Of Ace Hood’s Gutta | “Red Light” – Review Of DJ Khaled’s We Global

EVERYTHING Bone Thugs N’ Harmony

Bizzy Bone & Layzie Bone Present Bone Brothers III / Bizzy Bone’s Ruthless / Bone Thugs’ Still Creepin’ On Ah Come Up / Layzie Bone’s Thug Nation / Krayzie Bone Smoke On This: The Fixxtape / Bizzy Bone’s A Song For You / Layzie Bone & A.K. Of Do Or Die’s Finally / Mo Thugs’ Soldiers

No need to reset your browser. The Bone Thugs boys were very much active in 2008. And as you can see from your failure to recognize the majority of the album covers, that they had the impact of a mosquito bite: mostly irritating. If you were unlucky to check for any of these however, you were blessed with such treasures such as Krayzie Bone spitting to Ciara’s “Promise,” a Do Or Die collaboration that may have been noteworthy if your calendar said 1995, and enough schizophrenic Bizzy Bone rhymes to rip through a straitjacket. Still Creepin’ On Ah Come Up? Sure you are. And who knew there was still a Mo Thug Records? Kudos to Wi$h Bone for dodging the embarrassment, but since the 5 true, sherm heads from the double glock are seemingly on the brink of another comeback, it’s safe the say the worst may be yet to come. Ugh! And did you see that movie!?!?!

Previously Posted — “Rollercoaster…” – Review Of Bizzy Bone & Layzie Bone Present Bone Brothers III | “The Brothers Bone” – Review Of Bizzy Bone’s Ruthless & Layzie Bone’s Thugz Nation

Tyga – No Introduction

Tyga may have felt he needed No Introduction to make his presence felt in the industry, but what would possess him to think child’s play like “Cartoonz” and “AIM” would make a good first impression? Maybe it was his membership to Lil’ Wayne’s Young Money label or his bloodlink to Gym Class Heroes’ Travis McCoy. But the people surely didn’t respect him nor his musical output as they showed their appreciation by robbing him multiple times, making the “Coconut Juice” box the softest rapper ever to come straight outta Compton.

Previously Posted — “Don’t Regret It Now” – Review Of Tyga’s No Introduction

Lil’ Mama - VYP: Voice Of The Young People

If Lil’ Mama is indeed the Voice Of The Young People, expect them to start lecturing you on how their “Lip Gloss” is popping before mixing nursery rhymes with a ringtone melody that’ll make you punch the little bastard. While there was glimpses of a capable femcee present, her current fascination with following Paula Abdul’s footsteps — instead of MC Lyte’s, may be indicator this is as good as it gets.

Previously Posted — “What It Is” – Review Of Lil’ Mama’s Voice Of The Young People

Jim Jones & Byrdgang – M.O.B. The Album

M.O.B. The Album introduced Jim Jones the music mogul, and if that made you laugh, you’ll get a kick outta the album. With choruses where the members sung “Oopsy Daisey/Daddy went me and threw me up/then he let me hit the ground…cuz I’m a gangsta…” and the Dipset rejects not afraid to show their sexy side one time too many, the Byrdgang layed a rotten egg that hopefully is the last of its kind.

Previously Posted — “Byrdgang Money” – Review Of M.O.B. The Album

Illa J – Yancey Boys

Nepotism [nep-uh-tiz-uhm]

patronage bestowed or favoritism shown on the basis of family relationship, as in business and politics

How else do you explain a Myspace caliber rapper butchering up the last of the good J Dilla beats, turning succulent soul samples into songs named “Swagger” and going where no (non) singer should go without Auto-Tune on “Air Signs” and “Timeless.” More than likely, Big Brother is not pleased.

Previously Posted — “Strugglin” – Review Of Illa J’s Yancey Boys

Princess – Class Is In Session

Princess may have gotten by copying off her Crime Mob classmate’s lyric books, but she made the ultimate mistake when she decided to transfer to a solo career. Every track on Class Is In Session was easily worth a “F” as there was no effort present in the rhymes, production, and obviously the teaching staff. Only solution for an epic failure such as this is expulsion from the rap game and a permanent position at the local BK Lounge. Stay in school kids.

Previously Posted — “Class Dismissed…” Review Of Princess’ Class Is In Session

Khia – Nasti Muzik

(The polar opposite of a classic.)

And last and absofuckinlutely the least of the bunch, the abominations of abominations, pure punafish: Khia’s Nasti Muzik. The album will forever hold rank as the lowest rated album in TSS history. Should another album be in need of “The Boot,” it will get the bomb. As far as anyone’s concerned, the name Khia shall be synonymous with the utmost, disgraceful sounds ever formulated in Hip-Hop music. Because when you make an album this horrendous, you deserve to be associated with stool samples after a feast of beef curry.

Previously Posted - T.C. Sings The Bricks – The Most Disappointing Albums Of 2007 | “Fifteen Greats In ’08 – The Most Exceptional Albums Of 2008 | Winner: Best Comment Of The Year | TSS Presents 2008: The Best Year Ever – Third Quarter | Pillow Talk 2008: The Most Slept On Albums Of The Year | TSS Presents 2008: The Best Year Ever – 2nd Quarter | TSS Presents 2008: The Best Year Ever – First Quarter