Men’s Cologne Go-Down Showdown
AUDIO By LC Weber on December 15, 2008 at 10:47 pm
“Obsession” By The L. Photos By Dan Lippitt
Not many of us need anything for Christmas, and the things we want most in life tend to be metaphorical, proverbial and visceral. I’m sure most of you handsome gents would be contented this forthcoming cold winter’s night with a blow job and a smile from the wife. So that is what L and I want to give you this holiday; we want to open that door of opportunity for you by sorting out the best pheromone inducers of the season.
If you aren’t yet privy, the lovely L and I are roommates. In true girly fashion, we have dissected all things Woman, including but not limited to shoes, make-up and perfume. What we have discovered in our trials of the latter is no matter how pretty we think a perfume smells, men have very different senses. In all, we’ve concluded the more we smell like baked goods, the more men want to eat us. Turns out the way to a man’s heart really is through his stomach (Ladies: think vanilla, sugar, cookies, etc.)
Let’s get back to you, good sirs. L and I have turned our focus to cologne in the great pursuit of making all men smell like “he will be mine, oh yes, he will be mine.” A simple sniff that can make a girl close her eyes and sigh. We’re going to pit these eight man-scents — the classics and the newbies — against one another until we have a superior spray. We’ll get your old girl’s olfactory working, her wheelhouse turning, and her inhibitions lowering. Consider it the gift that keeps on giving.
Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays, TSS fellows.
SHOWDOWN!
Preface: We removed Polo Blue and Cool Water from our competitors on account of they remind us too much of ex-boyfriends. It’s important to note, however, that both of these colognes are still effective aphrodisiacs. We also never overlapped brands in this highly scientific experiment, so before we began we had to weed out Diddy’s Unforgivable and new I Am King. Suffice it to say I Am King smells like a man in a tuxedo riding a jet ski, doused in lemony sweat and salt water… so his marketing was genius. Unforgivable FTW!
ROUND 1 (ding!)
ARMANI vs. PORSCHE
A classic clash of the titans. Giorgio Armani has been putting men in classy suits since the ’70s and Porsche has been putting those tailored men in its cars long before that. But unless men want to smell like Meguiar’s car wax and exhaust pipes, we can’t imagine why they’d gravitate toward Porsche over Armani’s Pour Homme.
L: Armani smells like someone smart. Someone who goes to Harvard. Porsche smells like Hugh Hefner, and not in a good way.
LC: Armani is a CEO. Porsche smells acidic like one of those magazine smell testers that you rip open.
L: And the kind of guy who wears Porsche would rub it on his wrists out of that magazine.
Winner: Armani
HUGO BOSS vs. SEAN JEAN
A meeting of trendy threads. Can Diddy’s overwhelming self-confidence land him a place in the Hall of Smell with Unforgivable? Or will Boss’ Selection strike back?
L: Hugo Boss likes to play basketball. A personal trainer. Unforgivable is more of a natural scent.
LC: Hugo Boss is almost oily. And this Unforgivable reminds me a lot of the Unforgivable for women. There’s strawberry in there. Hugo Boss smells more like a man who wants to wear cologne and Sean Jean is just a good smelling man.
Winner: Sean Jean
GUCCI vs. GUESS
The prince and the pauper of the “G” brands. Gucci as a brand is always classy, snappy and forward thinking. If Guess Man is anything like a Guess purse, it’ll be garish and unsightly. But if it’s anything like its stilettos, it’ll make a woman feel unduly sexy.
LC: Gucci smells like food… warm, saucy. Guess is rubbing alcohol and lemons.
L: Gucci is very white collar. Like a dad, but not in an Old Spice way. A young, hip dad. Subliminally, every girl wants a man that is like her dad. Guess does smell less like a man, but… the prince wins!
Winner: Gucci
POLO vs. ROCAWEAR
A duel of the collared shirts. If this were a literal fight between Ralph Lauren and Jay-Z, we’d hedge our bets with Hov. But here we have Polo’s Ralph Lauren scent against Jay’s new 9 IX. Tough call going in that Mr. Z landed Beyonce some way or other.
L: That (9 IX) smells like lemons and rubbing alcohol. It’s too strong. It smells like Long Island. Like “Jager Bombs, Jager Bombs.” Like “I’m going to grind on every piece of pussy that walks through that door.”
LC: Yes. It smells like the 40/40 Club. In a very bad way. This Ralph Lauren smells like my dad’s aftershave, though. Or my grandpa’s.
L: Oh, I know exactly what you’re talking about. It’s so old. I think we’re going to have to pick the lesser of two evils — would you rather have sex with your dad or would you rather have sex with a Gotti? Not Gotty™, Gotty™… but one of the three Gotti boys.
Winner: Rocawear (by default)
VERSACE vs. USHER
The subtly flashy group. The down-to-Earth showmen with tons of only semi-secretive flare. Making love in the club to Chili with Usher, while wearing Biggie’s shades and Pour Homme.
L: Usher is alright. I’m a little bit attracted to it.
LC: It’s a little bit girly, but so is Usher. It’s not unpleasant, but it’s really sweet. It’s a fucking perfume, damn near. Versace is like cardboard and hairspray.
L: [Makes a shit-sniffing face] That smells like Agua di Gio. I don’t know what I would think if a guy picked me up smelling like that. Ow! My head hurts from that.
Winner: Usher
GAULTIER vs. BECKHAM
Duel of the male physique. One in a bottle shape with Gualtier’s Le Male. The other on the field footballing for the Galaxy with David Beckham’s Signature.
L: Beckham is very seabreezy. Gaultier is too sweet and would take me some getting used to… it’s like a first date.
LC: Yeah, this [Signature] basically smells like how I picture David Beckham smells. Light, but not too light. Not too manly, but not too girly. And Le Male is sweet like a first date. I want to hold his hand, with no other intentions.
L: Exactly. I want to hold his hand… but not anything else. I would want to hold something else with Beckham.
Winner: Beckham
Round 1 conclusion: At this point we are merely horrified not only that Usher beat Versace, but that Usher, Jay-Z and Diddy all made it to the next round. But to their credit, we’ve never met a rapper who didn’t smell good.
ROUND 2 (ding! ding!)
ARMANI vs. GUCCI
The houses of class.
Winner: Gucci… for being the perfect combination of sweet and manly. You want to date this man and be dirty. L: “You want to watch a movie with him and then jump him afterward.”
SEAN JEAN vs. ROCAWEAR
The houses of Hip-Hop
Winner: Sean Jean… for being very light and subtle. A cologne that is as classy as a suit and tie, without being uptight. L: “With this, men have just as good of scents as women do, they just don’t wear them.” LC: “And 9IX is like getting into a man’s car after he took a cologne shower.”
USHER vs. BECKHAM
The houses of hard bodies.
Winner: Beckham… for sexual reasons, Beckham is apparently the man. It is sweet without being girly, while Usher is a bit too sugar perfume. L: “I would definitely have sex with Beckham.”
ROUND 3 (ding! ding! ding!)
GUCCI vs. SEAN JEAN v. BECKHAM
Every man for himself. We closed our eyes for this round to make it a blind battle royale. Fair fisticuffs free-for-all of smell and sense.
GRAND PRIZE WINNERS:
LC: Beckham - Signature
L: Sean Jean - Unforgivable
Conclusion: Both of these colognes are the perfect blend of sweet and take-change, rugged and clean-cut, fresh and manly. They both come highly recommended by yours trulies.
So there you have it. Remember, good sirs, just a touch of the spray. Just a spritz on the neck and wrists. No woman likes a man doused in stink. Enjoy!
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Posted in AUDIO, Everything Else, GENERAL, MUSIC, REVIEWS, SMOKE BREAK, STRAY SHOTS — Tags: Christmas gifts, Cologne
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91 Comments
Great jobs as always; but yall really should put a disclaimer on this, yall know there isn’t enough Gucci cologne in the world to help Al Roker get some. LOL
man i haven’t strayed from “unforgivable” since it came out. but from reading this, i think i might want to branch out. =)
Gotta admire the work you ladies put in, but I’m a simple man, with a simple scent.
Curve For Men by Liz Claiborne
An old pimp (my uncle) put me onto it & I always get hella compliments in the club. It the chicks dig it, why switch it lol.
I use to work for Sean John and i loved to just spray Unforgivable at the counter for no reason. It smells great.
I normally use Polo BLACK though right now
Yall dont fuck wit jean paul gultier? slackin. That and diddy’s “I am king” is on some smooth shit. I stopped fuckin wit burberry. Still fuck wit Obsession for men like my pops did.
Amp…. Curve for men is still one of my favorites for sure. Good choice.
haha, nice topic. Constantly buying colognes. I have a constant 30-ish bottles, drives my wife crazy that I have to have a selection so deep. I need to switch it up though. My fav’s are: burberry-original, but the weekends in nice in the summer, nautica blue & orig, unforgivable, romance, aramis-always, hugo, polo sport. Those are my mainstays that I repurchase over & over.
i kinda fuck wit burberry…but I stay gettin compliments when i use unforgivable
So you mean I should throw away my Grey Flannel and CK One?
*drops head, shuffles off kicking rocks with hands in pockets of my Z Cavarricci’s*
we’ve concluded the more we smell like baked goods, the more men want to eat us.
—————————
* BOING!!! *
On some Slick Rick primadonna ish, a brother always stays smelling good, but I’ll never divulge my secrets….
“No-oooo-ooo, my brother…You gotta go get’cha own!”
@ LC
Thanks. Now I definitely owe you that carafe of sangria lol.
Bond No.9. is cool too, but that’s back when I was young & willing to spend a grip on my smellright lol. Stuff is pricey as a mugg (I brought my Pops some for Father’s Day, a buck for a 3 oz bottle) but it’s a surefire attention getter. The bottle alone is a conversation piece, if you’re lucky enough to get her back to the crib =)
“Cause you gon’ smell my cologne. Issey Miyake or some Bond No. 9, cause I do not play.” (c) Pimp C
I need some new smell good. It’s always good to have a female’s opinion on men’s fragrances.
What’s the verdict on Burberry Touch & Marc Jacobs? Or the old-school classic, Issey Miyake?
I’m actually tryna get up on some nu-nu rather than the tried and true, so suggestions would be appreciated
Beckham Signature is no joke. Gucci, Unforgivable and Beckham were all in the same family of scent… and would drive any women ravenous.
For real? You wouldn’t steer me wrong now, would you? Haha, nah, I’mma hafta peep those though
I usually go to the fragrance counter, overwhelmed by the plethora of choices, spray something on (pause), and walk away, sniffing myself…empty-handed. And I can’t trust the judgment of whoever is behind the counter cuz I know they promote/push certain fragrances
I just take a shower, grunt, and piss on the wall nearest to the “woman of interest”…
Risky, yes, but gets right to those primal instincts of a woman.
LOL @ OED
I was back & forth on whether or not I should reveal one of my trade secrets, but fuck it. If there’s no Gee behind the scent, you’ll just be a lonely cat that smells hella good lol.
There’s something about smelling like Diddy that puts me off lol. My lil brother swears by the stuff (Unforgivable that is) but I can’t bring myself to do it.
*rummages through top chest*
let’s see: got my egyptian musk
*uncaps the baby rollon and shakes the rollerball flask and sniffs:*
yeah, buddy.
*continues to survey the budoir*
got my nagchampa, check. runnin’ low on fressia–got stock up with my connect when he gets back…. there’s my pachooli! these young girls don’t know nuthin’ bout that pachooli. woah!
now to keep it smooth and lating, get the scent on then smooth it out with—baldow! the $5-5lb-jar-of- shea-butter!
i’m tellin’ you these youngin’s still slept on the black festivals.
lol @ OED!
I’ve always been leery of cologne endorsed by famous people.
Michael Jordan cologne, anyone?
Those oils are the old standby lol.
My homeboy be usin’ them oils, and he mixes them…I give him dap, and my hands be smellin’ like…ugh, lemme stop.
Blue Nile the one.
And mixing is a no-no lol.
Kardinal Offishall - Set It Off (rmx) f. Dr. Dre & Pusha T
Hold up…Dr. Dre?
http://www.zshare.net/download/5279296020d9b8a5/
*ganked from 2DopeBoyz*
So what if you got A-Level Game with perfume from T.J. Maxx?
two tears in a bucket, -uck it. for 2009 i’m bringin’ back the Johnson&Johnson scent—baby powder under the armpit.
a little dust=no must.
So what if you got A-Level Game with perfume from T.J. Maxx?
==============================
Good game prevails over all.
lol @ Canseco - baby powdah is the old reliable standby.
I was trying for the longest to remember this one:
John Varvatos
Anybody up on that? Opinions?
L: Armani smells like someone smart. Someone who goes to Harvard. Porsche smells like Hugh Hefner, and not in a good way.
=====================================================
Classic.
@ Amp - agreed! That was a rhetorical question, btw, haha
Cologne and M.O.P. huh
Thanks for the service ladies. I’m usually loathe to try any celeb-driven/endorsed scent, but as a soccer guy I might have to give Becks a chance next time I go cologne hunting.
i knew a girl in college—fine but slightly disturbed puerto rican sistah. cool people like 5 outta 7 days…
anyway, the only perfume she ever wore was vanilla extract. straight out the pantry, baking-staples mccormick spice-branded vanilla extract.
it was crazy fly. never met anybody who cold pull off herbs and spices as accessories; but she did.
Crap. The bottle looks like shit. At least they didn’t put his picture on the thing.
^ LOL!
Shorty had balls to rock like that.
I heard of this chick that used to wear DRAKKAR NOIR.
^ LMAO!
Y’all know some wild chicks!
Gotta keep ‘em at a distance too
wild chicks is the best, baby!
Not the ones who wear men’s cologne.
“Unforgivable”..and “Le male” Gaultier..definitely have it on lock..although if I want to switch up..I’ll hit up the Gallery here in Philly..or a few other spots..and get a few “oils”..from the Muslim brothers..lol
HAHAHAHAHA. Stupid!
I usually keep a 4-bottle rotation, sort of like a throwback 4 man starting rotation in baseball. Each is at least 1/3-1/2 filled to be part of the regular rotation. The ace is the Armani Mania. The #2 is my Issey Mayake. The # 3 and the big innings eater is Gucci. Battling out the #4 spot alternates between Sean John and Burberry.
I got smaller, 1/4 or so filled bottles of the Hugo, DKNY, Usher, and Dolce & Gabana.
And like a lot of y’all fellas, even if you don’t wanna admit it, I got that old ass bottle of Michael Jordan’s cologne that I copped when it first came out. It smells like what MJ must stank like post-game. Used it a couple times and than retired it and kept it strictly for the show Lol.
What about that Platinum Chanel? That’s been a staple for me for like the last two years. When I run out I gotta cop that. I put that on my wish list. If it aint broke don’t fix it.
Cas Money
Beyonce ft Castro - Single Ladies (Put a ring on it) Remix
http://sharebee.com/b8f42451
http://www.Futureflavas@blogspot.com
What about that Platinum Chanel? That’s been a staple for me for like the last two years. When I run out I gotta cop that. I put that on my wish list. If it aint broke don’t fix it.
Cas Money
Beyonce ft Castro - Single Ladies (Put a ring on it) Remix
http://sharebee.com/b8f42451
http://www.Futureflavas.blogspot.com
so I got one outta three…..unforgivable. and armani mania
im checking out this D. Beckham for 09!
Fuck it. I’m going back to this:
http://www.sex-panther.com/
^ lol
I ROCK PLATINUM CHANEL! “BIGGIE WOULDN’T HAVE IT ANY OTHER WAY”
L is gorgeous, and props to LC on yet another great post…thanks for puttin’ in work…
Amp was right about you having bloodhound in your family
Sex Panther?
*puzzled*
sex panther gets the ladies going wild
Sex Panther >>>
A clip from an episode of Intervention that was so crazy it was banned. Peep…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J5Pqo2dWsdM
wait what was this about? i just looked at the pictures lol
Chuckii Booker - Chuckii (1989)
http://rapidshare.com/files/163853135/Chuckii_Booker_-_Chuckii-.rar
Chuckii Booker - Niice ‘N Wiild (1992)
http://rapidshare.com/files/163699130/Chuckii_Booker_-_Nice_N__Wiild-.rar
^ You need these.
Ladies Ladies Ladies… I have to admit I am a little disappointed. In your effort to educate the those of the male persuasion on which, if any fragrance they should be wearing this holiday season, you failed to mention the ones that you wont find in an issue of the “Source” or “GQ”.
I pride myself on owning a exclsive collection of fragrances. However, I wouldn’t be caugt dead wearing any of the fragrances you mentioned, no offense.
My list of Fragrances for Men:
Issey Miyake - My Choice
Mirace (by Lancome) - Exotic Choice
Dior Homme - Recently Added & Gaining Popularity
Happy (clinique) - Daily wear
Hanae Mori - Very Fresh
Dolce & Gabbana Pour Homme - Classic for an 80’s Baby
As for the women:
Chanel Coco Madomiselle: The only Fragrance she will ever need
Wait, no Givenchy or Lacoste???!!! Step your scent-game up ninjaz!!! lol!!!
I’m sure most of you handsome gents would be contented this forthcoming cold winter’s night with a blow job and a smile from the wife. So that is what L and I want to give you this holiday.
———————————————————————–
SAY WORD!!! I’m the only dude that caught this??? lol!!!
somebody done threw up some goddamn Chuckii. I got that shit on my hd lol.
Oils > cologne
Burberry and Happy for men, The Happy kills em everytime, just don’t let em ask what your wearing…..
What this guy said
Fragrance Genious Says:
Ladies Ladies Ladies… I have to admit I am a little disappointed. In your effort to educate the those of the male persuasion on which, if any fragrance they should be wearing this holiday season, you failed to mention the ones that you wont find in an issue of the “Source” or “GQ”.
I pride myself on owning a exclsive collection of fragrances. However, I wouldn’t be caugt dead wearing any of the fragrances you mentioned, no offense.
Happy (clinique) - Daily wear
Where am I?
Is this The Smelling Section now?
Look at the response to this thread.. when was the last time it got so heated over a music post?
Who cares about what random female wants you to smell of? You’re all just gonna be wearing what your girl gets you anyway.
Wow this was nice change of pace from the daily who wants what…
my rotation
* John Varvatos
* D&G Masculine
* Ralph Lauren Purple Label
* Atman
* Hugo Boss Dark Blue
I’m gonnna have to add Beckham to my next purchase, I knew that rocawear was gonna be garbarge from the scented strips that come in the magazine
what you all know about Issey Miyake
My current 5 bottle rotation is as follows…
Vera Wang for men
Unforgivable
Rochas (that’s the sleeper, trust me on this)
Diamonds
Issey Miyake
Joop! used to work for me back in the day as well as Obsession but who remembers Colors by Benetton??? that was kinda fresh too.
peace.
Is that LC in the pics?
In one post we get Chuckii Booker shots and a young lady using vanilla extract as perfume. Only on TSS.
My favorite non-perfume scent on a woman is that “fresh out the shower skin smells all nice and naturally good” scent
500K Flea knows what’s up.
Insense by Givenchy
That’s the shit right there. They don’t even sell it in the big name stores anymore. I got to go out huntin for that shit. Whenever my mom sees it, she gets me 2 bottles. Y’all need to peep that one out.
Fragrance Genious Says:
Ladies Ladies Ladies… I have to admit I am a little disappointed. In your effort to educate the those of the male persuasion on which, if any fragrance they should be wearing this holiday season, you failed to mention the ones that you wont find in an issue of the “Source” or “GQ”.
I pride myself on owning a exclsive collection of fragrances. However, I wouldn’t be caugt dead wearing any of the fragrances you mentioned, no offense.
My list of Fragrances for Men:
Issey Miyake - My Choice
Mirace (by Lancome) - Exotic Choice
Dior Homme - Recently Added & Gaining Popularity
Happy (clinique) - Daily wear
Hanae Mori - Very Fresh
Dolce & Gabbana Pour Homme - Classic for an 80’s Baby
As for the women:
Chanel Coco Madomiselle: The only Fragrance she will ever need
No offense taken baby ;)
As sexy as all those scents are we were on limited time and wanted to introduce a handful of brands you might never think to try. I’ve smelled all the choices you mentioned and I still have to say that Unforgivable is still up there. So be caught dead in them or don’t. Subliminally, I’ll still probably be gravitating to the fella standing by the bar wearing Sean John. And just for the sake of argument, over half the fragrances you mentioned can or could be found in GQ at some point or another.
However, Coco Mademoiselle is on POINT. I’ve never met a lady I could stop sniffing who was wearing this particular Chanel. I go between that and Miss Dior Cherie. Both quality choices.
@ Big Fonz: Yeah, that fragrance is a rare find in the department stores. The smaller spots usually have it though.
Gaultier, Prada and Burberry Brit. Need to check out Unforgivable.
Yo! I used to mash out this bitch that must have drank vanilla extract. Because after we finish fuckin, she’d smell like some straight warm butter cookies!!! I thought it was weird, so I fell back like 9 feet. I guess I should be happy she didn’t smell like roast beef.
I’m with yall on the Hanae Mori, the Armani, Polo Black, Issey Miyake, and Jean Paul Gaultier. I would like to get that Happy and Lacoste. I believe Lotto had a fragrance that was a good summer cologne.
I’m kinda critical of this post not because I think I know a lil something about cologne (because I don’t), but because it probably could’ve gone a step further…because some cologne work better in the winter than the hot months — kinda like Wine. But a good subject nonetheless.
Unforgivable is more hyped than Obama, I’ll pass son.
Anybody remember Anucci? The bottle looked like a transluscent golf ball
Unforgivable is more hyped than Obama, I’ll pass son.
———————————————————————
Let me be the 1st to welcome John McCain to the TSS…. with a Arab flying shoe attack!!!
LOL
for me: clinique happy/ montblanc/ kenzo
for the ladies: truth
Jazz Prestige by YSL
Ultramarine by Givenchy
Quorum by Antonio Puig
Old skool classics
I like that Chrome… anyone get their hands on that? I get complements all the time.
Let me be the 1st to welcome John McCain to the TSS…. with a Arab flying shoe attack!!!
________________________________________
@Bigga
My shaolin technique is too good. I ducked that sh%t like the matrix..
Old Spice and AXE is the ish too.
unforgivable is definitely on the top of my list. also try atman by phat farm, i get hella compliments on that
and those pics are slamming, is that you L????
Pasha by Cartier is my shit.
sean john aka sean jean
LaCoste Essential has done me right for a minute. But, I could always use another scent.
I got tons of compliments in the Burberry Touch days.
As an airport dweller, I have my fair share of colognes. I’m not sure which particular Hugo Boss and which particular Gucci are being references here by L and LC, but I have at least 2 bottles of each brand that fit none of the descriptions.
My personal favorite though is the old Gucci One with the dope white case, and a Boss Edition they had out a few years back. All for historic reasons. Baldessarini Del Mar, Issey and Dolce stay in my regular rotation for general office/fuckit wear.
Although frankly, I prefer to stay clean and roll with that. Artificial scents are not the answer. If you smell shitty, you smell shitty. It happens.
Good job ladies.
Agreed w/ the Sean John Unforgivable.
However, … chill.
I’m surprised you guys didnt mention .. Yves Saint Laurent “Hommes”.
That gets me going everytime.
EVERY time.
“L’Homme” ***
You’re right about the baked goods!
Cinnammon is one of my favourites.
And Cocoa Butter - It reminds me of icecream. I love icecream!
Once i new two girls who both wore cocoa butter. Life became very complicated!
Fragrance choice:
Issey Miyake - My choice was a good one as was the YSL-Hommes.
But from the first day i bought it back in ‘98 to now, i’ve ever run out of Cool Water.
Ever!
That frangrance is too ill
You’re right about the baked goods!
Cinnammon is one of my favourites.
And Cocoa Butter - It reminds me of icecream. I love icecream!
Once i knew two girls who both wore cocoa butter. Life became very complicated!
Fragrance choice:
Issey Miyake - My choice was a good one as was the YSL-Hommes.
But from the first day i bought it back in ‘98 to now, i’ve ever run out of Cool Water.
Ever!
That frangrance is too ill
Good Job ladies, great article!
Issey Miyake is also one of my all time favorite fragrances.
Gaultier, I agree, the scent is very sweet, but when used in proper moderation, it comes out smelling very edible. *Cough*
Also need to point out that Kenneth Cole Reaction is another good one.