MTV’s VMA Recap: The Assessment
Events By TSSCrew on September 8, 2008 at 9:15 amWords by Matthew Mundy
In an exercise of self-flagellation, I decided to watch the entire MTV Video Music Awards last night. It was a thoroughly injudicious decision, the result of a mind driven idiotically reckless by unemployment, a heat wave and being forced to wait too long for Killer Mike’s Sunday Morning Massacre. On the bright side, I learned a lot about myself, pop culture, and spiritual, physical and mental ennui. On the dark side, I had to watch the Jonas Brothers. In the spirit of the election season, I’ll let you decide whether the forces of good or evil won in the end.
The following are 15 things that I learned during the MTV VMAs.
1. Don’t write three-hour, mind-numbingly boring, spirit-sucking, spontaneous vasectomy-causing checks your ass can’t cash.
2. Britney Spears is relevant again to someone other than her divorce lawyer and weave maker. In all honesty though, she does look a helluva lot better than she did last year.
3. For every night with a big winner, there has to be a big loser. Those, of course, would be the loyal TSSers who subjected themselves to this unyielding, bone-stripping sadism along with me. Brothers in misery and degradation, I s’pose. Like the Wayans brothers.
4. The other big winner? Lil’ Wayne.
Dude – who was, from all appearances, sober – absolutely ripped through both performances. First, he mashes up “Misunderstood,” “A Milli” and “Got Money.” In white jeans. And absolutely disembowels all three. Then he does a duet with Kid Rock, and steals the show again. Before this show, Lil’ Wayne was a genuine Hip-Hop superstar, with 1.05 million records sold in Tha Carter III’s first week on shelves. Now, he’s a genuine music superstar. Whether you like Weezy or not, this was a good moment for Hip-Hop. Kudos, good sir.
5. The ‘Depends On How You Look At It’ performer? Kanye West.
On the one hand, the first version of any song you hear live probably isn’t going to do it justice. And the drums in the song were pretty bananas. And Kanye has three near-classic albums under his belt, so I should give the guy the benefit of the doubt. On the other hand, the first version of any song by a hip-hop artist, live or not, should probably have rapping on it. You know, because it’s what they fucking do.
Also, rapping may have been to his advantage because Kanye West is not what you would call a “traditionally gifted” singer. Or even untraditionally “gifted,” a la Lil’ Wayne. He literally can’t sing. I’ll wait to submit my final judgment until the actual song comes out, at which point I’ll probably regret writing this, because Kanye is always right. For now, though – wasn’t really feeling it.
6. T-Pain and his circus get up are creepy as hell. Super creepy. Like creepy to the point that Chris Hansen is probably actively hunting him down.
7. I haven’t heard of most of these rock bands and they all suck. Jonas Brothers, Tokio Hotel, Paramore? Ugh. The combined effect is like listening to your own death rattle.
8. Michael Phelps, for all his prowess in the water, is about as fun to watch speak as it is to watch a towel dry. That said, he has pretty great taste in Hip-Hop – Jay-Z, Young Jeezy, Lil’ Wayne? I’m pretty sure if I listened to “Public Service Announcement,” “Put On” and “A Milli” in a row, I’d be able to break some swimming records too.
9. T.I. really, really, really should have performed “No Matter What” instead of “Whatever You Like.” ‘Whatever You Like’ is just one of those depressingly obvious crossover songs that either a) end up working and a rapper makes money but loses some of his or her credibility, or b) doesn’t work and both the record label and everybody on earth hates him or her. If T.I. songs were Eddie Murphy movies, “No Matter What” would be Eddie Murphy Raw. “Whatever You Like” would be Daddy Day Care. And “My Life Your Entertainment” is a car ride with a transvestite prostitute.
10. Russell Brand is kind of funny. On the positive side of the ledger, he went IN on the Jonas Brothers. Not literally, of course, because MTV wouldn’t have shown that. Probably.
But making fun of the most popular young men in America for being virgins – after you make fun of Republicans – well, my friends © John McCain, things don’t get much better than that. He made fun of them for a lot of the night, in fact, and they looked none-too-pleased. Meanwhile, on the Fannie Mae/Freddie Mac side of the ledger, half the time he was huffing and puffing too much for most of his jokes to hit. And a lot were just plain unfunny.
11. In good news, however, T-minus eight months until Kanye is rocking Brand’s haircut.
12. Though one would have thought eight years of Bush, five Benzino albums and zero Saigon albums would have already taught me there’s no justice in the world, the VMAs sealed the deal. Case in point: while I, due to my absurd and ill-advised promise to Gotty™, was forced to sit through the excruciating entirety of Pink’s performance, Lupe got cut off after only one verse of “Superstar.” Really?
13. The best part of my night? When Killer Mike’s “Sunday Morning Massacre” did finally come in. I mean honestly – Killer Mike has made Sunday the best day of the week, by a long shot. And the MTV VMAs made Sept. 7 the worst night of my life.
14. And – finally – I’d like to break this evening into mathematical form for you, which should hopefully quantify and contextualize my misery.
Lil’ Wayne > Russell Brand’s Levi Johnston joke > T.I. > SARS > Rihanna > Paramore > Joe Lieberman > Russell Brand’s R. Kelly joke > V.I.C. > Jonas Brothers > Pink / Delaware > Lil’ Wayne’s white jeans > Tokio Hotel’s victory speech > Paris Hilton’s SAT scores > Katy Perry > Paris Hilton’s STD test scores > My Sunday night.
15. > The Patriots season. Ayo!
Previously Posted — Video: Kanye West – “Love Lockdown” Live At The VMA’s | Live Blogging: The VMA Edition With TSS | Kanye Forgives MTV; Will Close Out The VMA’s
Posted in Events, GENERAL, SMOKE BREAK, VIDEO — Tags: Jonas Brothers, Kanye West, Lil Wayne, MTV, T.I., VIDEO, Video Music Awards
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46 Comments
funny post – thank you for watching that dreck so that I don’t have to – you are doing a pop culture public service…huzzah sir huzzah
You are a fool homie- I think that mildly retarded, hard to watch moments of buffoonery only exist on this planet so that you can make fun of them.
Between football and baseball, I forgot this was on. Even wifey didn’t know until the Mets game was over and we found it flippin channels. I gotta say, either I’m too old and out of touch with all the teenybopper shit or music and pop culture nowadays is total garbage. I mean I never really been into Rock, but even back in the day I can acknowledge that bands like the Chili Peppers and Guns N’ Roses were on some real shit. I can’t say the same for the clowns I saw last night. I swear I never even heard of half the people on that show last night. So is it just my old ass or is MTV Awards getting more irrelevant?
you know, that popped up amid the 200+ comments last night.
I think it’s a combo of age plus being bombarded w/pop culture that’s really not popular or cool enough to even be considered “pop.”
On behalf of Tokio Hotel & Paramore, fuck you.
^I feel you (obligatory homophobic statement)
No! Dammit!
I felt what Tres said….
And behalf of myself….Fuck you Soul Apple…go listen to that whiney trash under a bridge somewhere
No! Dammit!
I felt what Tres said….
And behalf of myself….Fuck you Soul Apple…go listen to that whiney trash under a bridge somewhere
^COMBO BREAKER!
“15. > The Patriots season. Ayo!”
awww, you had to take it there?
What it dew?
Jonas Brothers? Tokio Hotel?
“Who the fuck are these assholes?” © Samuel L . Jackson
Never even heard of until yesterday. What the fuck happened to the drug addicted, alcoholic, groupie sexin’, hotel room trashin, hard rockin’ rock bands?
And I though Hip-Hop was getting lame…
This was the MTV awards not the BET awards. Times change and everything is not for everybody.
The Awards Overall were ass but was for the T.I. songs my wife and her friend both love whatever you like. So in my very unscientific pole it looks like a hit
i really was gonna watch the show. even laughed at russell brand’s monologue, which was like a C+ at the most. then i realized i didn’t give a fuck, and wow, i guess i bet well. this is how they celebrated 25 yrs of the vma’s?
oh well.
This was the MTV awards not the BET awards. Times change and everything is not for everybody.
===============
I think if you read around and if you’re honest w/yourself, this year’s show was lackluster to say the least. I’m not even a big fan of these things but i paid attention so that Mundy wouldn’t have to bear it solo lol. I do remember years where the guy was up on that scaffolding thing, the infamous bi-kiss, etc etc.
This year was dull as hell. No surprises, no real excitement, decent energy. Going w/a host that was unfamiliar to the majority of the viewing audience really didn’t help the cause either.
Highlights:
Christina’s new thickness
waiting for Rihanna to have a wardrobe malfunction
the Katie Perry chick had a serious camel-toe and also had a near wardrobe malfunction
Pussycat Dolls lookin sexy, even though that Nicole chick got an annoying ass speaking voice
It’s sad, but I didn’t see the relevance of dvr’ing the VMA’s.
…the excruciating entirety of Pink’s performance, Lupe got cut off after only one verse of “Superstar.”…
AGREED. what a bunch of bullshit. Pink’s performance sucked.
and i co-sign every word of your review of Kanye’s performance. I thought it was enhhh. but I trust Kanye.
underground ain’t bad nevertheless,
http://rapidshare.com/files/118822868/Kokayi-Mass_Instructions-2008_www.beatboxradioshow.blogspot.com.zip
listen and discover a disciple of PE, Dre3stacks, GoodieMob, …
And Encore…
Weezy 1,05 C3 ain’t really amazin’ cuz now 2300k and Graduation 2100k now !!! so it’s just a fact that people go the first week more massivement than kanye or other. Cuz imagine if all the eminem’s fans go the first week a buy this first day too! HIS FIRST WEEK will be just BIGGGGGGGGG!
dr dre, kanye, jayz, eminem : that will be possible !!
the real crazy thing is dat C3 phenomenon is the first since a long time.
50cent Massacre !!! so it’s old !!!
but it was good for own music NEVErtheLESS But
that more a question of timing than a real impressive thang
cuz Wayne aka Mr features since 2 years, do commercial and feat for dat too. So/thus.
ps: no hate on this comment. just relativity !!!
and that Wayne verse on Misunderstood was a new one right?
@ David – yeah, it was, which was good, as the ones on the album weren’t his greatest.
I’m still in shock after last night’s torturous mediocrity…. damn.
lol
Nice review.
Glad you liked our UK boy Russell Brand, he’s one of our better comedians.
I thought he was real funny in Sarah Marshall
LMMFAO!
Hilarious.
Oh yeah, what does that say for Carter 3 when no one’s anticipating the original verses for a retail CD? There’s very few memorable verses on that bitch. I’d say the 2nd verses on “Mr. Carter” (maybe Jay’s as well) and “Lollipop” and the first verse to “A Milli.”
Probably the “beat it like a cop line.”
That’s what happens when you spit that Stove Top stuffin’
agree with tc…brand stole the show in sarah marshall…damn hilarious
yo, dont hate. paramore’s the shit, other wise number 7 is fine. and this show was terrible, tru story.
“Soul Apple Says:
This was the MTV awards not the BET awards. Times change and everything is not for everybody.”
^Thanks for stating the obvious. I didn’t expect the BET awards and I don’t think any of us did. I expected a pop culture award show. Artists that have created more than alil buzz…Tokio Hotel has never had a single hit in this country and I’ll be surprised if they ever do.
“was forced to sit through the excruciating entirety of Pink’s performance, Lupe got cut off after only one verse of “Superstar.” Really?”
^I know people who aren’t up on music at all, aren’t fans of pop or hip hop don’t know who Lupe is and still know and love that Superstar track. TI’s long set could have been cut short and Lupe been given alil more air time to perform a song that was actually on the top ten Billboard charts. Smh at Mtv.
russell brand BOMBED!!! the show wasnt worth watching…hours i’ll never get back i guess
I’d say the 2nd verses on “Mr. Carter”
__________________________________
when he got to the
“Randy…
Macho…..
Man….
Savage…” part, I nearly Jo Jo’d the first time I heard it…
How we say it, TC???
*ahem*
FLUFF.
And “My Life Your Entertainment” is a car ride with a transvestite prostitute.
damn, that was harsh. I like this song some days for some reason.
There is nothing wrong with Rock, as you will learn, dudes on TSS are some diverse cats
But THAT is not Rock, it’s a bastard form of it i.e. what Soulja Boy is Hip Hop
There is nothing wrong with Rock, as you will learn, dudes on TSS are some diverse cats
But THAT is not Rock, it’s a bastard form of it i.e. what Soulja Boy is Hip Hop
I still don’t see how Wayne performing with Kid Rock was “good for hip-hop.” Good for hip-hop would be Wayne dissapearing for 10 years and coming back as a novelist writing childrens stories.
LOL.
It’s probably the beat breakdown mixed with “Wayne quit…” that I’m referring to…
sometimes even legendary emcees sucks lil bit
krs one said “kanye < fifty”… kanye’s “flashing lights” ain’t hiphop !!! curtis is ! it’s rap !!
and after says “souljah boy is hiphop”..?
undeniable souljah boys’ ish are hiphop… but not really good hh !! that’s that.
one hit wonder… maybe mo ! let we see that 2009
but never ever ever a One Classic album wonder …
maybe hiphop is just classic and good ish …
so fake song, commercial fake hits are not hiphop
but it’s like to says :
the paradise is real and exists ???
only tupac, big l, pun, biggie, easy e, ….
know is that iz real !
Fuck MTV award shows. Every year they try way too much. Backlot sets with no fans for performances, really? I think the only reason people watch is for some of the women, and the idiotic laughs you’ll have. Jamie Foxx made me laugh more than the dude from the UK when he came out. Brand was alright though.
As a life long Raiders fan I’ll take this moment to say fuck Tom Brady and his tuck rule bullshit.
best part of the show = jamie foxx’s, busta impersonation.
Nope, That’s Actually Drake’s verse from his Song “Money To Blow”.
That’s why he shout him out after the song was over.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sdp2rfb-z_M
Great post mate. *claps*
We got it live here at 11 o’clock in the morning and ive gotta agree that it was dull as shit. There was so much potential for it to work given it was in Hollywood and the current superficial, bubblegum state of popular culture…but nah!
What Tres was saying is true. While i didn’t follow their shit, i could appreciate rock bands like the Chilli Peppers and even the Foo Fighters. Shit i saw last night sounded the same to me. And im aware that Wayne is oversaturated over there, but we don’t get enough Weezy coverage over here so i held out for his perfomance and and went to bed.
Graveyard shift bitches.
Oh, And I was responding to this:
“and that Wayne verse on Misunderstood was a new one right?”
I just listed to Love Lockdown again and its sort of hot in a Gnarls Barkley way. Was this song about his ex or about his love of porn? Think about it.
I think Kanye CAN sing (a lil bit). Just listen to the Grammy 2008 version of Hey Mama.
But ‘Love Lockdown’ didn’t sound that good, we’ll have 2 wait for the studio version.