Words By David D.

The pre-teen adored Lil’ Bow Wow has used his tremendous gift of literacy to recite lyrics since he was five. Recently, he’s decided that Hip-Hop can be mastered by osmosis and has decided to write for dolo on his new mixtape. To build anticipation (which is already at a fever pitch), young Shad has decided to do something we haven’t seen enough of: spit over “A Milli.”

Let’s have some fun.

We begin the song with that all too familiar “Bangladesh” before Bow Wow informs us that he’d let the whole industry get on the beat before he got on. I was wondering what happened as the “Millie” freestyles seemed incomplete without Mr. Wow’s input.

Bow offers up some dog allusions then we get our first punchline: “running through hoes you can call me Walter Payton (get it?).” No. I don’t get it. I know Walter Payton was a running back and all, but- oh, that’s it? That’s the punchline? Well then yes. Yes, I do get it, Bow Weezy. Let’s continue.

*Car Talk. Money Talk.*

“Money in my pocket and my Sox like Chicago.”

This one is tricky. Maybe it’s over my head like the sky (get it?), but this seems to make no fucking sense. I mean, I know Chicago has the White Sox, but…? Obviously there’s some depth I’m failing to reach because the ad-lib screams “Damn!” Bow Wow’s overdubs are obviously enjoying this way more than I am.

“How you like me now like Kool Moe Dee?”

“Call me Mr. NWA cuz I’m always into sumthin.”

Ooh! I wanna play. Call me MC Hammer cuz I’m too legit too quit. Call me Milli Vanilli cuz I blame it on the rain. That was fun. Let’s continue.

“Yellow-Black Hummer Pittsburgh Steelers, nigga/ Bring ya girl around, I’m a straight steal her, nigga/ LB Dub gang ballin like the Steelers nigga”

…the fuck? He just rhyme Steelers with Steelers? LB Dub gang…sounds like that crew has a membership of one.

Then we get a few bars “dedicated” to Bernie Mac by using his bodies of work to show how hard Weezy is stuntin: “Call me Mr. 3000/ Yachts on the ocean I be ridin with the salmon (get it?)” Once again with the mid-song surveys. Yes, I fucking get it. There are salmon in the ocean. Y’know, if you wanna give someone a tribute, why don’t you mention the man’s comedic genius, uncompromising comedy and uncanny connection to his audience instead of just making him a reflection of your own make-believe baller status? It’s funny, cuz when I think of Bow Wow, I picture that kid that went to get some “Milk and coooooookies” Bernie once talked about.

Then we close out with a few (too many) seconds of gibberish reminiscent of the monologues at the end of Kenan and Kel including some mentions of his “girl” that wants a private jet and a new whip or some shit. Unfortunately, said “girl” has since cut off ties with Bow after watching him and The Game make date plans, threaten to ass smack one another and dick talk to each other over a game of Madden.

And that’s it, folks.

The end of the longest few minutes of my life. Legend has it that hidden in the original Revelations texts it states that if Bow Wow and Khia had a baby, everyone’s ears will bleed chicken grease and lipgloss until the world ends.

Bow Wow – A Milli Freestyle

Enjoy.

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