Completely irrelevant pic but wonderful piece of TSS history

“…Don’t you hate a shy bitch?”

Yesterday reached world-class levels of suck. Thank the Lord and Lil Wayne for heated music to get me through.

I awoke this morning to a link for a blogosphere forum on The Wire, in which my piece about Cheese and Randy Wagstaff was cited. My article elicited the following response from a commenter…

“Whoever wrote that is an insufferable faggot and I want some heavy object to crush them, but it’s neat to have referenceable material that will instantly negate any future self-important pinheads for tactlessly debating something so mundane.”

Like, gotDAMN!

And though that shit was so out cold, it was sort of amazing. Not to mention the unparalleled irony of this person using “insufferable,” “self-important,” and “tactlessly debating something so mundane.” But I digress…

So after I laughed that off, I proceeded to engage in e-fisticuffs with Gottyâ„¢ about the validity of my Xtreme-sport hardness when he called me “a poser” for buying a skateboard on a whim. Yes, I buy into trends. Being a poser is something I’ve accepted and internalized as a fundamental part of my character. And as if a cutting debate with the Boss wasn’t bad enough, my day took a sharp downturn when I went for a bartending job interview at a new place opening around the way. I’ve never been so patronized by folks who slang dranks in my life…

“Says here you’ve had country club bartending experience.”

“Yes. Well, those are really more of fine-dining restaur—”

“Yeah, that’s fine. Look, we have tons of people who are way more qualified than you. I need someone who can hit the ground running. When we get slammed I can’t be training people.”

Oh really, dickface? Because my several years of bartending experience entail that you’ll need to teach me what exactly? How to push the fucking buttons on your computer? How to run a credit card? You shut your mouth when you’re talking to me.

Apparently I’m going to need to march my newly obtained, shiny master’s degree right into Del Taco. When I left the interview all I could think of was the nearly $100-Large of borrowed money wasted on a grad school that rendered me less qualified than “tons of people” to shake martinis and pour Jägger Bombs. I was livid.

And where did I turn for comfort?

Weezy.

I got in my car, threw the garbage R&B I was listening to out of the player and put on “A Milli.” That track makes me want to punch an adult man in the face, or at least makes me feel like I could land a mean right hook. That one was dedicated to Bartender McDickfore.

Further dedications for yesterday’s Suckfest 2K8…

To heal the burn from Gottyâ„¢, I have “Got The Life” by Korn. My favorite five-alarm rock-out cut ever. Let me live my alterna-teen, sk8er angst, poser dreams, gosh darn it Gottyâ„¢!

And for the dude who called me an insufferable faggot… I tip my hat to you, sir – I’ve never been called an insufferable faggot before. I’ll give you that one for free, but next time you get Guilty Simpson on “Jungle Love”. Or better yet, “Eat a thousand dicks, and die a million deaths,” – Busta.

Thank the Lord and Lil Wayne for heated music.

* kicks mic stand over *