This Hurricane Chris freestyle is crazy. Like I told Gottyâ„¢, I can’t even think of 7 minutes of things to talk about in conversation let alone make them rhyme and flow. What’s more insane is this is the dude behind “Ay Bay Bay”?!? Wild.

I applaud Chris for proving me wrong. My misconception about his skill set was thorough, and I apologize. His flow is so effortless it got me thinking about MCs diametrically opposed to him. The ones who make their job look hard. The ones who even make me feel like I should start rapping.

In my numerous rap-to-basketball analogies I spew to anyone who will listen, I site how the freestyle is like one-on-one. Every professional thinks they’re the best – in fact, that swagger is necessity – and could cross anyone, but truth is someone’s going to lose. Some are going to be flat-out awful. And just as on the court, in the freestyle there are fade aways that always look fresh, and then there are lay-ups that look easy and land tired…

1) “Off the top of the dome” – I’m not sure who started saying “dome” instead of “head,” but it’s used so often “head” seems refreshing and original. Unless you’re talking about getting dome, this phrase is as weak of a filler as “Ummm” or “Uhhhh” or “Youknowwhatimsayin.” A quick glance at my thesaurus lists myriad alternatives: brain, cranium, mind, noodle, pate, poll, skull. The day I hear someone spit “off the top of my noodle,” is the day I rest.

2) Weak metaphors – This falls under my cornucopia of rap/basketball analogies. A metaphor is like a dunk – sure it’s glorious if executed well, but you’re still only making a couple of points. That shit better be so fly you get the whole crowd up like, “Daaaaaamn!”

3) Saying your own name – There just needs to be a limit, a say-your-own-name quota. I think one self-name-say per 32 bars will suffice. A name loses its impact if overstated because cats just have too much time on their hands to think about what their own name rhymes with. I knew this MC, we’ll call him Tate, who used to talk about “Big Tate/ blowin’ out your birthday cake.” You mean the candles on my birthday cake, Tate?! Come on now…

Other dope sessions off the top of the noodle…

Mos Def and Kanye

Common on The Wake Up Show

Eminem before he was Eminem

Canibus… in the Army

Previously Posted — Mickey Factz – “The Flood”

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