Poison Eye Syndrome…
REVIEWS By TSSCrew on April 4, 2008 at 7:08 pmWords By Jason Hortillas, Jesse H., LC Weber, David D., Gottyâ„¢, M.Z., Darius Sinclairâ„¢ & TC
Can you remember the first time you saw Common’s Be cover sitting on the shelf? If you’re anything like me, you were skeptical at first glance (just a lil’). I remember thinking “Look at ol’ Lonnie smiling like he found a penny in the park in the middle of June but hey…’The Corner’s’ tight.”
Yes folks, it never pays to judge a book an album by it’s cover. Pharoahe Monch dressed like Boris Karloff or André Benjamin holding a smoking pink elephant gun could keep me from the musical treasures that lied beneath the surface. The people over in the marketing departments at record labels are well aware of the importance a creative, yet original album cover has on the buying public. But sometimes, shit gets let out the gate that should have never ever came out a person’s head. Bear witness as the TSS Crew did some digging and put our taglines on some atrocious artwork for the eyeballs. Not for the faint of heart.
Lil’ Flip The Leprechaun (Sucker Free, 2000)
M.Z: Flip’s failed head shot for the title role in Leprechaun: Back 2 The Hood.
Jason Hortillas: Leprechaun…or Don Magic Juan?
TC: He actually sold this shit in the hood?
LC Weber: Hearts! Clovers! Horseshoes!…Pennies?…
Warren G In The Midnite Hour (Lightyear, 2000)
TC: Vampire In Compton…
Jason Hortillas: Marvin Gaye wants his jacket back.
LC Weber: T-minus one minute until this album title is relevant…
M.Z: Even Warren’s wondering why the fuck he’s taking this picture. Go head, look at his face.
Nas Stillmatic (Columbia, 2001)
M.Z: “I’m the pigeonman daddy, I shit in any weather.”
TC: I never understood the motives behind this cover, but now that I’m staring at it, I’m quite sure the bird called the shots on this one.
Jason Hortillas: The new mascot of the Syracuse Orangemen!
LC Weber: Photoshop, ladies and gentlemen. It exists.
Sumthin Terrible U Stupid!!!(Stupid Ent. 2008)
LC Weber: Ah yes. Irony!
TC: I bet if you dip the booklet in water, it’ll say “You’re stupid for buying me.”
M.Z: If we’re stupid, then your delusional. But based on the background, you’re in the right place.
Jason Hortillas: Their name says it all.
Tony Tee Time To Get Physical (Rooftop, 1988)
Jason Hortillas: What is that, 5 lbs each on the barbell?
Darius Sinclairâ„¢: Looks like the Y.M.C.A. is fun for some people.
M.Z: They’re just waiting for ol’ girl to leave so they can take care of business.
TC: Somebody’s bout to get physical alright. Full body massages, complete workout leaving nothing but those Jane Fonda socks. These dudes…let me stop.
AP.9 (of The Mob Figgaz) The Grinch (Mob Shop Ent. 2008)
M.Z: I know CGI costs money, but they couldn’t do the rest of his hand? They didn’t even try.
TC: To put it frankly: Laughing the fuck out loud.
Darius Sinclairâ„¢: The Grinch that stole creativity?
Gottyâ„¢: “I still do not like green eggs & ham…”
Sia Some People Have Real Problems (Hear Music, 2008)
TC: Geez…I’d hate to see what she does with silverware.
Jason Hortillas: “These are the thinnest dildos I’ve ever had!”
LC Weber: I don’t like to throw the word bitch around…but THIS bitch has problems!
Millie Jackson Back To The Shit (Jive, 1989)
TC: I thought we weren’t using this one?
Jesse Hagan: Yeah we weren’t, but I would hate for the readers to go their whole lives never knowing what Millie Jackson looks like dropping a deuce.
Jason Hortillas: Do not try the crabcakes!
Lil’ Cease The Wonderful World Of Cease-A-Leo (Atlantic, 1999)
Jason Hortillas: Those are 4 arms too many to cover that area. Stop lying…
TC: Sad thing is, this album is straight. And they wondered why they flopped…
Darius Sinclairâ„¢: Rumour has it, one of those hands is a guy’s.
Gottyâ„¢: Looking back, this shirtless pic should’ve been a hint that the hotel striptease he did for a room full of girls & guys was definitely in his future…
MC Pooh Funky As I Wanna Be (Jive, 1992)
TC: There’s a song on here called “Eatin’ Pussy.” I heard it was a live recording.
Jason Hortillas: “With his Rap sales lower than ever, Pooh-Man moonlighted as an OBGYN.”
Darius Sinclairâ„¢: Wonder if it was a boy or girl.
Gottyâ„¢: He’s lookin for the “little man in the boat”
Afroman Waiting To Inhale (Hungry Hustler, 2008)
David D: Which one’s Whitney?
Darius Sinclairâ„¢: I bet weed still didn’t make this album sound good.
Jason Hortillas: It could just be me but the only thing I thought was this dude got fat. Chill with the munchies man.
Big Bear Doin Thangs (Tru Game, 1998)
M.Z: “After winning the Tekken Tournament, Kuma tried to get his cousins in the rap game.”
TC: Timeout man. Is that honey drippin’ from his name? Nuts and berries on the table like it’s caviar???
Darius Sinclairâ„¢: How come the bear on the right looks cooler than Big Bear?
Jason Hortillas: After this shoot, BB was fatally attacked by 4 grizzlies in the parking lot.
LC Weber: Again, Photoshop, ladies and gentlemen. It exists.
Big Shug Who’s Hard? (Sure Shot, 2005)
Jason Hortillas: Do I even have to say “pause?”
LC Weber: He looks like he doesn’t even know the answer to that question.
Darius Sinclairâ„¢: Same look he gave the doctor when asked the same question.
M.Z: Guru would answer that, but he’s occupied with Solaar the superproducer.
Devastatin’ Dave “Zip, Zap, Rap” (Superstar International,1986)
Darius Sinclairâ„¢: I remember this guy. He used to deliver pizza for Domino’s didn’t he?
M.Z: Neon. Crap. Rap.
Jason Hortillas: Dave blames this cover on why he can’t have children.
Gottyâ„¢: Notice the key placement of zap over the crotch.
Young Buck Buck The World (G-Unit, 2007)
TC: Chest naked on Gitanos – Prodigy of Mobb Deep
M.Z: If he was anymore greased up, he’d be ready for a dog fight.
Jason Hortillas: Looks like a broke-ass D’Angelo.
LC Weber: He looks like a broke-ass Devastatin’ Dave.
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Posted in REVIEWS — Tags: Album Covers, REVIEWS
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49 Comments
Three peat on the day…..That Lil Flip pic is tooooo funny
You guys remind me of “Mystery Science Theatre 3000″. Damn… I just dated myself.
Nice post.
That big bear shit had me dying!
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M.Z: “After winning the Tekken Tournament, Kuma tried to get his cousins in the rap game.”
========================
^ Winner.
Don’t know if this has been posted already, but:
New Wayne/Santana, “Lets Pray”
http://www.zshare.net/audio/10049116d83f9b57/
Decent, but Weezy singing the chorus ruins it
I always wondered about that pigeon on the stillmatic cover.
No “No Limit” or “Cash Money” Album Covers? I remember laughing at those album covers back in the day.
Hey TC, Warren G wasn’t from Compton. He was from Long Beach.
i thought it was ‘chest naked on katanas’ like the motorbike
good shit. that flip is atrocious ha ha ha!
Whoever yanked that Big Shug shit from the archives, props. WG on giving the coat back to Marvin Gaye, HA! I’ve seen that Big Bear shit before but damn that shit was too funny.
man i thought this post would reach “hip-hop harry” heights. lol.let me take my feeble hit at it.but either way, y’all were hilarious, especially that Kuma joke on “big bear”.
Devastatin Dave: dude looks like sum1 who sells exercise equipment. CALL NOW!!!
Millie Jackson: homegirl got a pig nostrils.she inhaleing that shit,literally.
Sumthin Terrible: what’s dude doin in the back?? lol
The Big Bear joint takes the cake, IMO.
Dude is chillaxin’ with bears in lounge wear. Could it possibly get more gangsta than that? I mean, who’s gonna front on a dude who rolls with a crew of grizzlies? And not only are they bears, but they’re bears that drink and smoke. Do you know how long it must’ve taken to teach them that?!!!
And the dripping honey from the name is a nice touch, too.
somewhere (prison), out there, Prodigy’s thinking, “Damn, my ballerina pictures weren’t so bad after all…”
I’m here reading this sh*t in public, laughing out loud like a gawddamn crazy person…
y’all should do more of these round table posts… funny sh*t.
one of the funniest things i’ve ever read
funny as hell!
y’all need to put your heads together *pause* more often for posts like these, as hilarity will ensue
anyways…
NEW MINT CONDITION!
http://www.sendspace.com/file/x2ifr1
Track.List:
01. Mint Condition – Baby Boy Baby Girl ft. Anthony Hamilton [04:25]
02. Mint Condition – Somthin’ ft. Phonte (of Little Brother) [04:37]
03. Mint Condition – Just Can’t Believe [04:17]
04. Mint Condition – Goldigger [04:48]
05. Mint Condition – Gratitude [03:49]
06. Mint Condition – Nothing Left To Say [04:44]
07. Mint Condition – Right Here [04:49]
08. Mint Condition – E-Life [00:58]
09. Mint Condition – Why Do We Try Ft. Ali Shaheed Muhammad (of A Tribe Called Quest) [05:16]
10. Mint Condition – Back And Forth [06:03]
11. Mint Condition – Moan [04:12]
12. Mint Condition – Queen Of Come Here Go Away [02:48]
13. Mint Condition – Wish I Could Love You (Pimp Juice) [04:52]
14. Mint Condition – Baby Boy Baby Girl (Single Version) [03:57]
15. Mint Condition – Friend Requests (Bonus Track) [04:07]
16. Mint Condition – Can You Be The One (Bonus Track) [04:48]
That Devastin Dave dude was on Divorce Court one time! I cant wait to see the links everybody is about to start postin
Ap.9 is stayin quiet about where he got the infection all over his face and finger from…
Been some funny stuff posted recently
For the next post, I second that on some No Limit and Cash Money album covers. Today’s kids need to see how truly horrible and unfair life can be.
And not only are they bears, but they’re bears that drink and smoke. Do you know how long it must’ve taken to teach them that?!!!
^ Word…ha ha!
@ OED
LOL “somewhere (prison), out there…” hahahaha
y’all need to respecognize (yeah, I said it) your elders.
Pen & Pixel Graphics = Tha O.G.’s (Original GraphicDesigners)
^ I don’t know…back in the 90s they left a lot of collateral damage. And that Lil’ Flip cover reminds me of that Yungstar cover where he’s eating the bowl of jewelry.
^yo, remember that Kool Keith /Dr. Dooom “First Come, First Served” album cover that was a spoof of Pen & Pixel…? That shit was mad funny…
and, truth be told, Pen & Pixel was mad corny! but hey, their work was always good for some laughs
i love dry humor. that shit is better than free music…sometimes.
can we (notice i tried to include myself in the mix) start doing this shit like once a month or something? while i’m no writer like the rest of the TSS crew, i got some sarcastic ass wit to share with any and everyone at any fucking time.
Dude was kickin it with bears. Looks like something out of the mind of Dave Chapelle.
i was NOT ready for that big bear isht….LMAO….
Cloverfield, DVD quality
http://rapidshare.com/files/104675794/Cloverfield-dvdrip-www.RapidshareFilms.com.part1.rar
http://rapidshare.com/files/104675797/Cloverfield-dvdrip-www.RapidshareFilms.com.part2.rar
http://rapidshare.com/files/104675810/Cloverfield-dvdrip-www.RapidshareFilms.com.part3.rar
http://rapidshare.com/files/104675812/Cloverfield-dvdrip-www.RapidshareFilms.com.part4.rar
http://rapidshare.com/files/104675833/Cloverfield-dvdrip-www.RapidshareFilms.com.part5.rar
http://rapidshare.com/files/104675817/Cloverfield-dvdrip-www.RapidshareFilms.com.part6.rar
http://rapidshare.com/files/104675825/Cloverfield-dvdrip-www.RapidshareFilms.com.part7.rar
http://rapidshare.com/files/104675572/Cloverfield-dvdrip-www.RapidshareFilms.com.part8.rar
*pissed i wasnt invited into the cipher*
coulda used any old Hot Boyz or No Limit album cover too
He got nuts and berries on the table like its caviar…
i was laughing so hard, my nose was squinching like squidward
big shug look like the black michael chiklis
and ppl wonder why i don’t listen or take lil flip serious.
y’all got me lmao at that Ap.9 shit:
TC: To put it frankly: Laughing the fuck out loud.
say word son
That Kuma line had me rollin. Then LC about Young Buck, shit played perfectly. Good post, please do it more often.
Cloverfield DVD quality, one link for RS Premium users ONLY
http://rapidshare.com/files/104675695/dmd-cloverfield.avi
test
Ignore my test.
AZ Doe or Die
http://www.linkbucks.com/link/f8655fa7/10817
Grand Puba- Understand This
PW: Giants
http://www.linkbucks.com/link/fce86461/10817
Lil Wayne- Dedication 2
http://www.linkbucks.com/link/fc32e8b6/10817
LA The Darkman- Heist of the Century
http://www.linkbucks.com/link/f953c66e/10817
LMAO – that shit is soo funny that this post should done on a monthly basis!
status ain’t hood
http://blogs.villagevoice.com/statusainthood/archives/2008/04/lil_boosies_unr.php
As fucked up as that Flip cover is – that cd was JAMMIN’ back when it came out.
jammin’
Lmao, that was hilarious.
This is too funny.
Props!
‘pidgeonman daddy’ had me going for a while. nice one
oh yeah, and thanks for the millie jackson pic. i could have gone without seeing that :D
My favorite one back in the day: Some rap dude had diamond-encrusted scepters in both hands and copious amounts of cash in either pocket. Also had pit bulls with diamond-studded collars and gemstones for eyes, and one appeared to be barking with a dollar sign coming out of its mouth. Now that’s some serious money! It wasn’t snoop dogg but some other dogg.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pen_&_Pixel
http://penandpixel.com/
ROTFLMAO.
I cant fucking breathe. Big Shug is giving Lil Flip a run for his money. The Big Bear shit reminds me of Chuck-E-Cheese. DEAD@ “11:59″!!!!
Y’all could do like 5 more of these!
LOL at the Big Bear one. The Warren G and Buck ones arent half as bad as the other ones. Yall forgot the Devin The Dude album the dude http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/f/f6/D20230qtsis.jpg
That horrible red cafe album cover with the fat bitch on the bed should of made the list.