There’s this wealthy philanthropist who as a hobby, likes to get his jollies off on death-defying theatrics. So to fulfill his monthly craving, he throws this extravagant party at his suburban mansion. Movie stars, doctors, models, the who-who’s make up the guest list. He then calls them to the backyard for the main event at the Olympic-sized swimming pool. He pushes a button and the automated pool cover is released and it’s filled with about one hundred hungry, gnarling alligators. He then offers this challenge:
“I’ll pay 1 BILLION dollars to the man or woman who can swim the entire distance of the pool through the alligator pit!”
There’s an instant clamor over the party. Some of the star athletes ponder on the idea of retiring early but don’t have the nerve to go up against the gators. Bodybuilders, personal trainers, everybody’s eyeing each other to see who’s gonna attempt to be brave….when the crowd is interrupted by this enormous SPLASH!
It was the little Black butler. 5″0, 110 lbs. He was the one who had the will to get the money!!! He’s backstrokin’…frontstrokin’…sidestrokin’. Pullin’ tails one way, jukin’ the gators on the left, nearly escaping the jaws of the ones on the right. He musters all his energy and leaps on the head of the last one waiting for him at the end of the pool reminiscent of Michael Jordan as he jumps to safety.
The party goes bananas! They all rush to the other end of the pool, lifting him up, chanting his name. He’s wheezing, breathing heavily as the rich man approaches him and says “Looks like you’ll never have to work another day in your life!” The butler looks up at him as he struggles to catch his breath and says:
“I’m cool…I just want the muthafucka who pushed me in…”
Oh and the video?
It’s exactly the same thing as what you just read – A JOKE! Laurieann Gibson of Making The Band 4 fame proves how the right connections and least amount of talent can take you places.
Feel free to drop your jokes in the comments if ya got em’. Great way to add a chuckle to your day.
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It was getting a little crowded in Heaven, so God decided to change the admittance policy. The new law was that, in order to get into Heaven, you had to have a real bummer of a day when you died. The policy would go into effect at noon the next day.
The next day at 12:01am, the first person came to the gates of Heaven. The Angel at the gate, remembering the new policy, promptly said to the man, “Before I let you in, I need you to tell me how your day was going when you died.”
“No problem,” the man said. “I came home to my 25th floor apartment on my lunch hour and caught my wife half naked. She appeared to be having an affair, but her lover was nowhere in sight. I immediately began searching for him. My wife was yelling at me as I searched the entire apartment.
Just as I was about to give up, I happened to glance out onto the balcony and noticed that there was a man hanging off the edge by his fingertips! The nerve of that guy! Well, I ran out onto the balcony and stomped on his fingers until he fell to the ground. But wouldn’t you know it, he landed in some trees and bushes that broke his fall and he didn’t die. This ticked me off even more. In a rage, I went back inside to get the first thing Could get my hands on to throw at him. Oddly enough, the first thing I thought of was the refrigerator. I unplugged it, pushed it out onto the balcony, and tipped it over the side. It plummeted 25 stories and crushed him! The excitement of the moment was so great that I had a heart attack and died almost instantly.”
The Angel sat back and thought a moment. Technically, the guy did have a bad day. It was a crime of passion. So, the Angel announced, “OK, sir. Welcome to the Kingdom of Heaven,” and let him in.
A few seconds later the next guy came up. The Angel said, “Before I can let you in, I need to hear about what your day was like when you died.” “No problem,” said the second man. “But you’re not going to believe this. I was on the balcony of my 26th floor apartment doing my daily exercises. I had been under a lot of pressure so I was really pushing hard to relieve my stress. I guess I got a little carried away, slipped, and accidentally fell over the side! Luckily, I was able to catch myself by the fingertips on the balcony below mine. But all of a sudden this crazy man comes running out of his apartment, starts cussing, and stomps on my fingers. Well, of course I fell. I hit some trees and bushes at the bottom which broke my fall so I didn’t die right away. As I’m laying there face up on the ground, unable to move, and in excruciating pain, I see this guy push his REFRIGERATOR, of all things, off the balcony. It falls the 25 floors and lands on top of me, killing me instantly.”
The Angel is quietly laughing to himself as the man finishes his story. “I could get used to this new policy,” he thinks to himself. “Very well,” the Angel announces. “Welcome to the Kingdom of Heaven,” and he lets the man enter.
A few seconds later, a third man comes up to the gate. The angel says, “Please tell me how you died.”
The third man says, “OK, picture this. I’m naked, hiding inside a refrigerator…”
This one’s for the party people-
How do you know you’re too drunk too drive? When u swerve too miss the tree… Then realize the tree is the car air freshner dangling from your mirror.
Please Don’t drink and drive
Whatever happened to the free giveaway you guys promied? I mean that shit was at at 8:31 Friday night, you guys are approaching O.C. territory. Few more hours and Time’s Up!
Big Pun’s Fam Snubbed By Fat Joe
In a recent interview, Liza Rios, widow of Big Pun, sits down and vents on how her family’s financial situation has diminished since the legend’s passing. It’s been 8 years since the death of Big Pun. Liza Rios wants the world to know that his family is not living as well as everyone may think. “People really think that I have a couple of millions and a couple of furs and cars [but] that’s not the truth. The truth is that after Pun hit platinum he started asking where his royalties were. He asked [Fat Joe] in my living room several times, “Where are my royalties?” He already went two times platinum and [was] working on Yeeeah Baby and asking about his checks. The answer was always that it was recouped. Pun let it slide by and just trusted that things would be good. I know he always trusted the fact that if he passed away, his family was going to be good. We even argued about that. He swore, “You’re TS, I’m TS!” He punched his chest and said “I’m TS.” And I was upset because I didn’t trust that-meaning trusting another man to make sure that I’m good.”
So how did all this happen? She goes on to explain that Fat Joe was made to be administrative of Pun’s estate. Doing so meant that all the money coming in would go to Joe first and then he would break off a piece for Pun. “Now that Pun’s not here, he’s supposed to be breaking me off, but he’s not. He’ll say it hasn’t been recouped but if you figure over two million [records sold], c’mon, he’s been recouped. I asked to transfer Capital Punishment’s and Yeeeah Baby’s rights to Pun’s estate. The response I got [from the lawyers] was that only Joe could do that. So who’s getting the checks then? And even still I’ve tried to reach Joe, but it never works out. I don’t get an answer or anything. I don’t hate him. With the times we shared I know we were genuine whether Joe was or not. And I know if it was Joe who passed, best believe that his two kids would’ve been in my house. I would’ve taken care of his kids, Pun would’ve looked after the family, his mom, all of that. Even if Joe doesn’t like me, it’s about Pun’s kids more than anything else.”
http://www.dailymotion.com/swf/x4b9jc
Damn Dirk, guess Joe is Crack huh!!!
Dirk ,
Post the source for the comment
Big Pun’s Fam Snubbed By Fat Joe. Was it a video Interview?
Sticking with the theme……….
A man and his wife were sleep in their room on a cold rainy night. Suddenly in the middle of the night the husband heard a loud knock at the front door.
Reluctantly he gets out of bed to inquire who is at the front door. The knocking continues as he approaches the front door. He opens the door to find an obviously drunken man standing in the rain.
The man looks up to the husband and asks,”I got stuck out here…could you please give me a push?”
The husband already bothered by being out of bed replies, “Are you serious? It’s pouring down outside and its 3:00 a.m.!” The husband slams the door in the drunk man’s face and goes back to the bedroom.
When the husband gets in bed his wife asks,”Who was at the door?” The husband replies,”Just some man who need a push.”
The wife asks,”Did you help him?”
The husband says,”NO! It’s cold and raining.”
The wife says to the husband, “Do I need to remind you of the time when you were stranded and a nice man helped you get back on the road? You should be ashamed!”
The husband thinks for a minute and agrees with his wife. He then puts on his clothes and runs back downstairs. He opens the door and rain is coming down harder than before.
Barely able to see in front of him, the husband yells out to the night, “Are you still there? ”
He here’s a voice that says,”YES! I’m still here!”
The husband replies,” Do you still need a push?”
The voice says happily,”YES I DO!!!!”
The husband still unable to see says into the night, “Where are you?”
The voice replies,” Over here…on the swings!!”
Lorianne Gibson needs to release a sex tape in order for that joint to sell units, but then again…. we’d just rip that shit from the net and she’d still lose.
Her singing career was over before it started.
who’s Lorianne Gibson?
anybody that knows about the situation will tell u Fat Joe has been shittin on Pun’s fam since his passing. alotta indutry people know how Joe gets down and Liza just finally decided to put it out there, u will be hearing about it more in the future….
heres the entire interview:
http://entertainment.sitv.com/features/liza-rios-braveheart
Boom Boom… man this video is terrible who cosigned on this BS. I could not even watch the whole video, how is a person known for dancing gonna have a video that just ignores the dancing and somehow trys to be artistic maybe… This is a waste and I hope they dont press up many singles or weed plates for her to be selling outta her trunk. This video is just plain bad news, and thats the gotcha gotcha. Oh her singing is bad too. peace..
i couldn’t subject myself to watch the whole vid..there’s a reason i don’t watch ‘Making the Band’ or pay attention to Diddy..
Blood.
That link list is egregious.
Is there anyway you can get the Neptune file back?
none of the links